Apparently OW was drunk again when she emailed me. H thinks she put the receipt in his truck Thursday night. Apparently she has her own key. I can not believe he gave her a key to his work truck! OMG! WTF! He keeps his laptop in there 50% of the time, a digital camera, etc. And worst of all, the garage door opener. If we're not home, but his truck is here, she could get into our house if she wanted! I told him that was not acceptable and he needed to do something about it. I can't believe he did that. He doesn't even like the fact that my mother has a key to our house. My mother is the most trustworthy person in the world -- but he gave OW a key to his truck, and access to our house!? I can not tell you how P.O. I am about this! (I slept on the sofa last night!)
OW denies stopping by and sneaking into his truck but there is no other way for her to know exactly where to tell me to look. PLUS, there was an empty pack of cigarettes next to the receipt. She put those things in there herself.
H was really put off by her last night. Said she was making threats. I asked what kind of threats. Threats like telling me things -- that she would do exactly what she did. He told me he doesn't like being threatened. He also told her that. I told him there certainly isn't much that she could tell me that I didn't already know. He said he doesn't think he could live with her (gee, 3 months ago he was convinced that they would be ok together).
I told him how p.o'd I was that he lied to me again. That I had asked for one important boundary -- that he not sleep with me if he wanted to sleep with her -- and that he broke that. I asked why he did it and he said, "I dunno, I guess I was trying to appease her." She's been really nasty lately and until his court case is cleared up, well, I guess he thinks he has to suck up to her a bit.
He was very acquiescing to everything I said. Kept saying, I understand or OK. But I didn't get the feeling that he is going to act on anything I said. He said again last night he would move out if I wanted him to. But financially he doesn't think it's a good idea.
He denies that she would do anything violent but I don't trust the woman. She has access to my house!! We have a secret way to get in if anyone forgets a key, I took care of that this morning.
I'll see what happens this weekend. I am not done talking to him about this! I know our sitch is complicated and I'm bending over backwards as much as I can, but my flexibility is limited...
Wish my D luck, she is trying out for all-state band today! I doubt she is going to make it (but I won't tell her that). She's good but you have to be the cream of the crop to compete for a few seats in a band with hundreds of other kids! But it's good that's she's going for it.
Well, D didn't make all state band. Didn't think she would. But it's great that she tried. She tries out for all-county band this week. I'm sure she has a shot at that. She made the junior band last year, but this year she's up against the HS kids.
We had fun on our road trip to the auditions today. An hour's trip, not too bad. Stopped at Starbucks on the way and chilled out to some show tunes on the way -- everything from Hairspray, Grease to Rent. On the way home we got more serious with Papa Roach, Hinder, Buckcherry. I took her to see them this summer. It was cool to rock at a concert with my D!! Overall, quality time with D today. She's such a great kid.
While we were gone, H dear was at home cleaning the kitchen when, apparently, OW called him. So she stopped by. Spent an hour here. I'm pretty p.o.'d. I had told him before I didn't want her at my house. Guess he forgot that. Or else whatever comes out of my mouth goes in one ear and out the other. Or maybe it doesn't go in at all.
Right now I'm feeling just done. I'm almost to the point of singing Mark's song, I Don't Care Anymore. I feel like telling H to just go live his life. If he wants to live with such a low-life ho, who am I to stop him? Because of the fact that he is considering that makes me feel even closer to being done!
However, when she was here, he got his van key back. First he said, I told her everything you said. Then he backtracked and said he only told her I didn't appreciate her having the key. I thought, yeah, right, I'm sure you told her everything I said ...
Do you ever get to the point where you feel so angry you could spit nails? That's me right now. Give me something to shoot at.
I would LOSE it if OW came to my house. Heck, I ripped H a new one when she called our home number a lot, and put a stop to it (I told H to call and tell her, or I would).
Sue, the legal situation is, H was in an accident with OW. That's how I found out about the A. Unfortunately, even though it was not his fault (they were on his motorcycle, traffic slowed suddenly, he was hit by a truck), he has been charged with DWI and reckless driving. Also because of the DWI he is possibly facing a felony charge because OW was injured! He needs OW as she is his only witness. No one else saw the truck hit them. She does not want to press charges.
So it's a very sticky situation. He says he's trying to keep her appeased because he needs her for court. And, he is half afraid she would be vindictive and sue him if he abandoned her.
The enormity of how much he has messed up just astounds me. Sure, the accident was not his fault. But he should not have been drinking and driving. He did it all the time. I warned him so many times. He thought he was invulnerable.
It's been almost 6 months since the accident -- his first court appearance is this week! I won't be going. The OW needs to appear and if I go, H says she won't be in a good frame of mind. Great. It's our money paying for lawyer, and I can't go. He promises me that after this, I'll be by his side.
I don't think OW made a copy of the key. Guess she could have but don't think she would have had that much forethought to the fact that he would ask for it back.
I probably did some backsliding last night. The events from Friday still had me pretty angry so I forced some conversation on H. I couldn't get him to say much! Just sat there like a bump on a log. I told him I didn't know how much longer I could go on like this. I felt like I didn't have much left. I finally just asked him if I was holding on to nothing, he said, no, you're not holding on to nothing.
joie, what a mess!!! I can certainly see why your H would feel the need to keep on the good side of OW (and she knows this too! I don't like her). She could ruin your H (and you) financially. I think this is a situation where you do need to stand by your H, get him through this, and then see where his heart is afterwards. He is thinking of your future, trying to keep OW at bay...
LWB, Thanks for the hugs. I agree about our sitch, and trying to see him through this is exactly what I've been trying to do. When it's over, I sure hope he sees that I stuck by him in the face of severe adversity. He knows this has been hard for me.
I don't like to hate, but OW sure brings that out in me. She wanted to stir things up by emailing me and letting me know about their night -- to drive a wedge in between H and I and she succeeded. I need to rise about it, which is where I had been, and just keep on going. After all, he is still here, and I'm still by his side. And she ain't...
The fact that H realizes and acknowledges to you that he knows its super hard on you gives me serious hope for you guys. Its hard to rise above the muck and mess, especially when OW contacts you directly and tries to suck you in. You are sooo strong!!!
Thanks again LWB! You're quite a strong one, too! I like this quote from Ghandi, “Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” That's us ... and so many others here ... INDOMITABLE WILL.
Something happened earlier today that I can't get out of my mind. The entire family was in the family room this morning. D was playing with one of our cats. I walked up and watched, smiling and laughing at them. I looked over at my H and caught him watching me. He looked away at that point. A little while later he left to go do some errands and I asked him for a kiss before he left. He said I didn't think I wanted them anymore. I told him I wanted all of them. He sort of smiled at that. I did get my kiss.
Now I just can't forget how he was looking at me. It's the first time I've seen him looking at me like that for a really long time. I sure would give anything to know what he was thinking. I can't say he had any emotion on his face. I know I look at him all the time when he's not looking, even when he's sleeping. There are many emotions going through me at those moments, from love to anger, despair, fear or longing. Mostly it's love.
So which of those emotions was going through him at that point? I think I can eliminate anger. He wasn't in an angry mood. If anything he was melancholy -- probably because of the conversation I had with him last night. So maybe I have him thinking about losing me. Or maybe he's trying to decide what he wants to do. Or maybe it was nothing. Lord, I hate being so analytical.
