There and Back, #14

[SallyM]

hmmmm....how did my thread become the threesome thread? or rather, the benefits of threesomes over polygamy (excuse me, plural marriage)?

ahem. that aside, I think there are some valid points. h became very, very unhappy once I found out. he never struck me as unhappy prior to that. but then again, I'm not sure how much longer he could have kept it up. actually, by march, there were some rumblings of discontent, so guessing that was his limit. I really think the only reason I even found out/suspected was because he was ready for me to know. whether he realizes it or not, I think he wanted me to find out. and I am going to pretend that he never once fantasized about the 3 of us together, even though I know him well enough to know that yeah, the thought did cross his mind.

I've had a great day with the kids. I ended up pulling out our monorail...we bought it from wdw years ago, and usually set it up around the christmas tree. this year I'm going to set up daniel's train around it instead, so the kids and I set it up for them to play with in h's old office downstairs. they had sooo much fun with it. we have several buildings that go with it, but I only set up spaceship earth and the contemporary hotel. we'll see how well they treat it before I pull out the rest. still, a very fun thing to do.

I bought a new camcorder this week. just a cheapo compact vhs one. I don't have the time, energy, or interest to do the legwork into figuring out a better one right now. the bonus of the compact vhs one is I can play our old tapes from our previous camcorder (the one that broke in march). so the kids and I watched the tape from our trip to wdw last october...it was so fun. I am amazed at how much they remember, especially the twins, who were only 2.5. They remember little things that aren't on the tape or on pictures at all. shocking. this tape also had christmas on it, so we watched the whole thing. it was nice and cozy, but oh how weird it was to see H in it. we were soooo happy. it was the life I know, the one I still am stunned that is gone. even more shocking, is the fact that he was having an affair during it. seriously, not a sign that would tip me off. Its just H....just like he was and always had been.

that was our day, it flew, and now its not much longer till bedtime.

still missing h. not because of these walks down memory lane, but because well, I miss him. I miss chatting with him. oh how strong the pull is to start it up again! but I won't. I can't. it sucks, but I can't.