That's funny. I am actually really happy. The things that bother me are deceit and the negative effects on the kids. I avoid loneliness like the plague.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I am just trying to catch up with everyone. It looks like everyone has had a tough week. Keep taking care of yourself. You did love your H, he just couldn't appreciate it for what it was. That is his loss. OW has no children or responsibilities. She is a child. How sweet. How pathetic. His loss.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Yes Neph That is exactly it. The thing I now realize is that had I even known I had competition I probably would have done nothing different. Yet I did know my H suffered from depression and resentment but it just bewildered me as to why. That is something I would have handled much differently. From everything I have read I would have not given him so much space to be alone. That is what I thought I was supposed to do.
Journaling: I am inching closer to dating. Yes. I am getting my nerve up. I am in two totally seperate social environments by day and night and at school. I smile and I am approachable. Plus I have interesting friends. So there are three prospects. Unfortunatly, two are kind of similar to my H. Old habits I guess. I notice I have a pattern of being atrracted to creative oddball sensitive men like my H. And I avoid white collar ambitious rich handsome men. I am not sure if I can break out of this pattern.
Mom's advice and gossip. I hate that she is always right first of all. She still has contact with my Aunt In laws. They brunch and work out together. She has heard that my H is happy with OW. It was previously heard that they were unhappy. OK. Let that one go. H also has been asking about working back at the bar. WHAT??? H is very low on money and asks for $20-$40- $100 hand outs from people to buy lunch and toys for the kids. No support for me going on month three soon.
My mother says this young OW will dump him soon. H can no longer take her out or have fun with her. H is too old. She says every one deserves one more chance and that everyone believes we are better as parents together. H says never. I am starting to feel that way too. Not Never, just not now while he is a madman. Plus, I knid of just do not like him. I feel like I can throw a rock and find a better man at this point.
Neighbour's Gossip- H had to drop the kids off with my next door neighbour. They are in the ministry and have counseled couples. The H mentioend that my H left me some dinner and to let me know that he "Loved me." I scoffed but the old neighbour looked serious and said, "It's true. That is what he said." His W and my D6 nodded. That was weird. i just laughed it off but why would they joke like that? I am sure they cornered him into saying whatever he could just to get out of their religious home before he got uncomfortable. They have heard his verbal tirades and no very well why he had to leave.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I know this is off DB but I kind of want to gossip about which man I might want to have my first friendly date with this month.
Bachelor #1- Comes from a very wealthy family. Sister is a neighbour of mine. Has two kids and is divorced. Tall. Well traveled. Cute smile. Interesting. Like country music! OMG! But also has a punk streak in him. The date would be his mother's 60th Birthday party catered at a vineyard. That sounds so sweet. He is also my age.
Bachelor #2- Shorter like my H. Chef and musician. I am so attracted to this one. 10 years younger! Yikes! First date would be a concert next week. Yikes again! Too soon? Ok this guy looks like Justin Timberlake. Not rich at all.
Bachelor #3- Most poor of all but very accomplished filmmaker and director. Plus looks like Beckham. Does not wear deodorant so that is a little too bohemian. Will probably always live with widowed mother. Is that sweet or crazy? This one would drive my H most crazy because he is a Sundance Winner and may be up for an Oscar next year. But he has no money because he works on documentary production. First date would be a group date for his friend's film premiere. Fun.
One or all three? They are all too nice to juggle. I am leaning toward #2. My BFF said he was too pasty. My other BFF said that he would be the best choice because of no baggage with a young musician, just fun. Is that wrong?
It is funny how that whole harem thing works. When it rains it pours. I guess people are just lonely and want to be in couples. I feel so much pressure to date. I have been alone for 8 months now and I am starting to stir a little. I almost fantasized about getting a sympathy session from my H but H would never cheat on his beloved little OW. Although Iknow my H has it in his heart for me still. I can sense it but H is so hurt and stubborn and frankly, crazy.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
hmmm...interesting development about the guys nice to have 3 types. may I mention right off the bat, btw, that there are plenty of well off/white collar guys who are the scum of the earth, too, so don't rule out your favored type just because your H went nuts.
honestly, i'd see all 3. now, I am not someone who has a lot of dating experience (was the relationship queen, I don't juggle well). still, if there was any time in your life that seeing a few different people would be a good thing, now would be it. see what's out there. explore. and most importantly, report back!
for me, yeah, the living with the widowed mother thing would bug me, at least long term. and actually, it would depend on what he was like...norman bates type, well, but if it means for an interesting evening out, hey, why not? if it doesn't work out with him, he may know someone else. kind of like dating networking. lol.
I am not ready yet, but wow, when I am, hope I have such a selection. well, 2 of my type (different than yours, although wow, bekham sounds pretty hot at least, except for the deoderant thing...makes me think of matthew maconahey) and one wild card isn't a bad idea. not sure where I will meet them, though. but I'm guessing when I'm ready, well, they'll find me. I think your being more open/smiley and such is helping on that front. me, well, I'm pretty guarded still.
Last edited by morgan; 11/10/0709:49 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I have always had an easy conduit to men before because of my work. Now I am at the bar and sudying film so I work with a lot of dudes. Not neccesarily quality men though. I tried to map out a time I could actually date and have only come up with 8 hours per month. Tuesday nights every other week. That is pretty pathetic.
Re Sonoma: Nikki reminded me of the DB GAL in Sonoma. I would be pretty lame not o go considering I live 20 minutes away!
Sad Story: My in laws live cross country and it has been their life long dream to come back to California to live in a small condo on the Sonoma Plaza Square. Alas, now that my H and I are broken up they have decided to just retire in Georgia since they feel they will not really be a part of their sons' lives. They wanted to be a part of their only grandchildren's lives and now they feel tey have lost all three sons.
Son 1 died at 18. Son 2 MY H went crazy in MLC and left wife and kids for affair with OW half his age. Son 3 disowned family name and went underground for five years with no contact.
I keep reminding myself that these are not my issues but they have been my family forever. I almost think about thm while I try to pick a suitor, to see if they will find this new man suitable. Isnt that twisted? I want to almost impress them that I can find a good man to date.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
mk, I don't know if I think its pathetic that you are too busy to date. I think it shows that you are out there doing so much for yourself and for your family.
I'm sorry about your inlaws. I think its hard to let go of inlaws, especially for those of us who are lucky enough to actually like out inlaws.
I know I am having a horrible time letting my MIL go. don't get me wrong, I know I don't have to let her go completely. but H is her only child, if she wants to maintain a relationship with him, she's going to have to let ow into her life sooner or later. and that will be easier to do if I back off a bit. I know it will be easier for her.
this whole thing has been very hard on her. she has had to start take medication because of it, and has gone into therapy on her own for it. she has overwhelming guilt about what she did to mess up her son so much that he is acting like this. not only that, but she is so upset because of course the kids are affected.
so my goal is to stop calling her, except about stuff about the kids. but even that I need to stop, and take it more to e-mail. I just think it will be easier on her that way.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Morgan-- I could have written your last post, exactly. I am not sharing anything with the in-laws anymore. She went to the dr today...he asked how she was, and she started crying. He put her on zoloft.
I hope that they get to some kind of better place over Thanksgiving; more for them than for him at this point. My in-laws are in a VERY hard place, being they live in my house! Or is it H that is in the hard place? Not sure, but I don't feel like it's me anymore.
I have 2 dates with 2 different guys this weekend. MK, I would say all three. You are not looking for a relationship or replacement father for the kids, right? My IC said it should be alright as long as you don't get emotionally tied up right away--take things much slower than what even feels "right," use your head over your heart, etc. I do NOT want to slip right back into codependency!! She also said that there is something developmental about being a woman on your own for a period of time as an adult in your life. Neither of us really had that. I am looking forward to the Age of Donna...
Almost every person I know, am close to, says the same thing. They all think I am ready to date. Yet, I fear it, like I a paralyzed. Hmmm. I do have crushes and it does help me detach.
I saw H at an intersection. He gave me a weird look like, "What are you doing here? Where are the kids and put his hands up in the air." I just looked dead at him, talked into my cell which was not there and kept driving. I felt absolutely nothing for him at all. Pure detachment. Feels so liberating. I had no panic, no flutter, no insecurity if I looked good. Could not care less. He looked horrible BTW. I do not wish him ill, I just wish him absent so I can move on.
Morgan, I noticed there was a theme on your thread. LWB mentioned about the way our Hs used to be. Do we also rewrite history too? Maybe? Thissounds absurd but I feel like this alien man inhabiting my H's new body has kind f murdered my true husband so I do feel some hatred for him. It is as if he is a murderer of a good man and stole his body and is now doing awful things with it.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
