The Good, the Bad, and the Funny Part 6

[mkultra]

Yes Neph That is exactly it. The thing I now realize is that had I even known I had competition I probably would have done nothing different. Yet I did know my H suffered from depression and resentment but it just bewildered me as to why. That is something I would have handled much differently. From everything I have read I would have not given him so much space to be alone. That is what I thought I was supposed to do.

Journaling: I am inching closer to dating. Yes. I am getting my nerve up. I am in two totally seperate social environments by day and night and at school. I smile and I am approachable. Plus I have interesting friends. So there are three prospects. Unfortunatly, two are kind of similar to my H. Old habits I guess. I notice I have a pattern of being atrracted to creative oddball sensitive men like my H. And I avoid white collar ambitious rich handsome men. I am not sure if I can break out of this pattern.

Mom's advice and gossip. I hate that she is always right first of all. She still has contact with my Aunt In laws. They brunch and work out together. She has heard that my H is happy with OW. It was previously heard that they were unhappy. OK. Let that one go. H also has been asking about working back at the bar. WHAT??? H is very low on money and asks for $20-$40- $100 hand outs from people to buy lunch and toys for the kids. No support for me going on month three soon.

My mother says this young OW will dump him soon. H can no longer take her out or have fun with her. H is too old. She says every one deserves one more chance and that everyone believes we are better as parents together. H says never. I am starting to feel that way too. Not Never, just not now while he is a madman. Plus, I knid of just do not like him. I feel like I can throw a rock and find a better man at this point.

Neighbour's Gossip- H had to drop the kids off with my next door neighbour. They are in the ministry and have counseled couples. The H mentioend that my H left me some dinner and to let me know that he "Loved me." I scoffed but the old neighbour looked serious and said, "It's true. That is what he said." His W and my D6 nodded. That was weird. i just laughed it off but why would they joke like that? I am sure they cornered him into saying whatever he could just to get out of their religious home before he got uncomfortable. They have heard his verbal tirades and no very well why he had to leave.