There and Back, #14

[SallyM]

link to last thread.

'morning all. well, I woke up expecting grey skies, maybe some remnants of stray snow flurries on the ground, or at the very least, a bit of rain. instead, its sunny, sunny, sunny. cold, yes, but sunny. so now I feel guilty that I don't have anything more exciting planned for the kids today. somehow it feels almost wrong that I planned a down day. I suppose I could bundle them all up and head into boston to the science museum, or the aquarium, or the like. but honestly, well, not sure I really want to go that route. so thinking I may still plan for hanging out here. is that wrong? I mean, as long as they are having fun, does it really matter?

am dressed and ready to head to the gym in a bit, so will decide after.

am sooo happy I went thru the christmas stuff last night. good decision. I am almost looking forward to decorating now. granted, have a few more weeks to go before I do, but still, nice to not be hit in the face with this stuff then. will be easier for it to be a happy time.

here's something I need to decide on. since the first year H and I spent together, I have kept a christmas memories book. we bought it on a trip to VA and for 13 years I have filled it out faithfully every year....its been a fun record of our holidays together. In fact, I bought a second one just like it last year, for when this one finally runs out. now I'm wondering if I should continue on with the book I have been using, or should I start the new one this year. well, nothing that has to be decided now, just something to think about.

hope everyone has a good day. still having a few moments when I am just amazed that this is my reality. I've been going thru pictures on my hard drive, ordering prints finally of some, and I keep coming across ones of H that were during the affair but before I knew about it. You would think something somehow I would see a difference in him from pre-affair days, but there isn't any. he is H. the man I knew. I don't know what I expect to see, I mean, its not like a scarlet A will suddenly be etched on him or something, but I just can't believe how well he was able to pull this all off...the deception. just still being him, still looking like him.

there is a picture of him that was taken the day after valentines day. he looks soooo happy. and just the day before he sent 2 different women roses. nothing, no toll on him at all, he looked happier than I have seen him in a long time.

ahhh, well, not sure why I am even thinking like this. again, I don't know what I expect. I suppose having been fooled for so long, I guess I figured there had to be some sign, something in his face, something somehow. but there isn't. he's just that good at compartmentalizing, at deception. I need to remember that. I am still tempted to trust the man in so many things.

enough babbling. off to work out.