wow, this is hard. h just called to say goodnight to the kids. I did my normal quick chat with him about the kids after, not really anything to say actually. for the second day in a row he sounded like he was in an even bigger rush than me to be off the phone. it sucks. its hard. but I know I can't chat right now. but just because I know I can't, doesn't mean I don't want to.
damn, I miss him.
no, not the jerk, but my h. I miss him. I miss the chatting.
have been a bit weepy off and on today because of it. I mean, I know he is gone, I know he isn't coming back, I know I've done everything I could do, to the best of my abilities at least, to try to save my marriage. but damn. the missing him just gets hard sometimes.
well, this too shall pass. the kids are off to bed soon and I have 2 choices...going to pour myself a glass of wine, then am going to go tackle the division of the christmas stuff. go with the weepiness I feel today and have a good wallow. the benefit is releasing the sadness, and then when I'm ready to decorate, that part (the division) will be done. granted, everything we own, even the stuff I consider "mine" is full of memories, so it will be hard no matter what once I pull the stuff out.
the other option is to have the glass of wine and finish up arrested development. will likely chase the weepiness away, but then, really, just putting this particular cry off for a bit.
not sure what I'll do. but I suppose I can start one, and switch to the other, if I find I'd rather go that route.
not much else going on. ordered a bunch of new books, all for fun, from amazon today. will throw a few in my christmas stocking
saffie inspired me so I talked to a friend today about starting a book club. looking forward to getting started. also scheduled a playdate for monday.
tomorrow will be a day to hibernate with the kids. lots of rain/wind/talk of the s word. blech. will light a fire, play, read stories, watch a movie, make cocoa, just enjoy the kids, even on a day where we are just kind of hanging out and not doing anything too special. will be fun all the same.
gotta run, jammie time. hope everyone is doing well. mk, if you are lurking, hope all is well with you.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
