A few thoughts, maybe nothing new, maybe I've even sort of said this before...
I was struck by something Mojo said a couple of weeks ago. I believe she said that sex for her could be a sort of transcendent experience, and maybe she even used the word spirital. I can't remember exactly. Anyway, it struck me because sex isn't like that for me. It is quite physical and earthly. I don't really feel emotionally connected during sex. I do desire it when I'm feeling emotionally connected to cac, but I think that means that I want to experience that physical release with HIM because of my feelings for him and his feelings for me.
Sex, to me, feels good in a physical way like lots of other things in life feel physically pleasurable. It is on a pedestal above everything else, but I think that has a lot to do with all the messages about sex I received growing up, such as sex being something to "save" for someone you love, and all the "good girl" crap.
I would imagine that someone for whom sex *does* provide that emotional/spiritual connection would be hardpressed to understand that it isn't that way for everyone. I think that when you add this emotional component to the societal messages we've all received about sex, it's a very powerful combination, to which nothing else compares.
If I don't feel emotionally connected or transcendent or spritual during sex, then it's not as much of a big deal if I'm not having it. The only big deal to me was that if we weren't having sex we weren't connecting in any way that felt emotional or spiritual to me (not that I'm even sure what spiritual means) because we were in a catch 22. It was painful for cac to be around me so he closed himself off emotionally, and it was difficult for me to have sex because being shut out was painful for me. (It still is.) I rarely needed a physical release because often times I simply did not feel sexual. It didn't occur to me AT ALL that my H might actually feel emotionally connected during sex, because that isn't at all what I grew up believing and it wasn't my personal experience. So, it's just physical for me, it's just physical for him, why is it such a huge deal?
Now after learning what I've learned, sex is no more an emotionally connecting experience for me than it ever was. cac and I have sort of joked that I'm "like a guy" because I don't *need* to cuddle after sex. I don't know if that's just because my LL isn't PT, or if it's just the way I am, or if it's because sometimes I'm just doing it anyway without feeling emotionally connected first.
