Begging, pleading, we can fix this. Prior to that not seeing signs that being a stay-at-home mom might not really be what she wants to be.
I would bet big bucks that it is more than that. And it might not be something that has been articulated. When the smoke cleared and I had my head on staright, I noticed things that went beyond the obvious. But the big thing is what do you need to change about you. People have MLCs and don't leave their spouses.
I think that overall the thing to realize, whether it is MLC or a WAS or something else, the M is in danger. The only thing we can do is to be patient, take care of ourselves, our children, and try to improve the way we are with all people, not just our spouses. If they are meant to be with us (in my beliefs, God is involved), it will happen. If not, there are other plans for us in our lives. Instead of fighting it, like I used to do, I see what happens and make the best of it (at least most of the time).
My sitch is completely insane so it has to be a combo of MLC (I can almost guarantee it) and the issues she has never dealt with (also classic results that lead to MLC). I wish, believe it or not, that my W was not so consistent in believing we are over with. She has nothing to do with me except for the children and that is only every other weekend as it is. It makes it difficult to understand considering we were best friends and she couldn't wait for me to come home from work and she and I would play (go out, just take a drive, walk and hold hands). All of this until 1 1/2 years ago. I am still shaking my head. Except now I just give it up to Him. And enjoy my kids.
doa180, hang in there.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Thanks. Coming here has really helped me. Yes, the M is cetainly in danger. I sometimes think that each time she begins to connect to me a little she catches herself and backs off. I'm sure there is a term for that. She is stubborn (she would admit that) and may feel that since we would try 3 months apart she needs to take that full time and not rush. Which I guess would be a positive. While I want our M and family to build a new and better life I don't want her to rush back and then not be sure. That would not do any of us any good.
We have D7, S5, and S3 and they all still beleive that when our house sells we will all move to where my new job is.
I really don't know what to make of her suggesting and following through with staying with the kids in me when they visit. That is so out of character for what our R has been since August. (I took the new job 2 months ago. I had asked her earlier, before DB, to stay with them during a visit. In fairness I wouild say I pleaded, and she refused. This time it was her idea. Certainly a lesson learned.
I am having a hard time since then keeping my detachment. I have not contacted her much, but the desire to is driving me nuts!
I have made a decision about my ring (she does not wear hers). I have not been wearing it - not to try to advertise myself - but it has helped me be detached. When she visits I am going to wear it. That to me seems like more of a LRT and I don't think I am there yet. I think if I am not wearing it at this point she will interpret it as a trick to push her. She knows that I am firmly committed to the M. Any comment on that decision?
I would suggest be true to yourself. Either wear the ring or do not wear the ring all the time.
This visit is going to be tough for you. Mentally kick yourself in the nu-nu's every time you want to bring up any relationship talk. Do not get overly excited, your right this leads to high highs, that usually lead to sharp sudden drops. Be consistent in what you are and what she sees and feels from you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I "think" I am prepared for the visit. I realize how important it is to do this right and that I will have limited opportunities to demonstrate the changes I am making in myself.
Just had a nice short phone chat after talking to kids. I told her a quick story about work and she was really engaged -- has not been like that for months. I so need to stay calm. I just wanted to scream I love you and can[t wait to see you! Thankfully I did not...
Still feeling somewhat positive. She called yesterday to give me a report on parent-teacher conference, and asked if I was at work or not. She has not really shown any interest in me or where I might be. Then after a talking to kids last night she got on the phone (as always) but was short. She texted me later to say she was tired and did not mean to be short. S3 threw up last night and she texted me about that -- all of this is very new behavior. They will be here later this week, kids for the weekend her for one day. It should be interesting...
