I have to question a 50 yr old man playing video games too a little. If he was rebuilding old cars, houses, trading stocks, playing golf or something similar I would feel better.
What it sounds like he is being a buddy to his 12 yr old son and imitating what 12 yr olds do. Then again I work too much and don’t have much fun.
Anyway, I liked Corri’s post. WTG Corri.
Hay Mo, it was good to read your post. GP is such an improvement when compared to PAL.
I know the dilemma of being self-employed. Once you get the bug... there just really is no going back. Unless you do contract work.
My take on this began a long time ago, when I came up with my 'happiness theory.' It is similar to a hierarchy of needs thing, with my own Corri twist.
I have two "problems" due to my self-employment. The first is the real problem that it contributes to my social isolation which isn't helped by the fact that I live in a small rural town with pretty much zero activities for single people. The second problem is the psychological sense I get that time is exactly equal to money. In theory, I could work at my business 16 hrs./day, 7 days a week. I liked the idea that BF once posted that people are always juggling Wealth, Health and Relationships and have a hard time keeping balanced. I would add another category that would be something like Fun/Creativity/Spirituality/PersonalFulfillment. The end of my marriage totally changed the relative weights of the balls I am juggling and I am still doing a semi-cr8ppy job trying to figure out how to get them all up in the air again.
Anyway, thank you for all your advice about being patient. I didn't mean to give the impression that I am going to jump into anything. I was only being semi-serious about being serious. My monkey is actually kind of amused that dating men on the internet is not wholly unlike being a heroine in a Regency Romance having a season at Bath. It's encouraging to me that GP might actually think that I would be a reasonable economic partner given my current state of affairs. GP left a bride who he loved at the altar when he was in his early 20s because she started crying because they couldn't afford the more expensive wedding invitations. There is no way in heck he is going to rush me into anything. - lol . OTOH- because I am so time=money oriented and differentiated (ha-ha), I've told GP straight-up the same thing I'd tell any other man which is "You want me for a sexual partner because I have nice hair, I'm in good shape, dress attractively etc.. That is natural because you are a man and therefore slave to your visual cortex and/or tactile perception of firm flesh etc. sexually. However, all the things I do to make/keep myself looking that way cost me money and/or time which equals money I could be making and money= security and/or fun. Therefore, I expect security and/or fun from you to the extent that I am compelled to spend time/money in this manner." The funny thing is that we are exceedingly fond of each other even though we talk along such non-romantic lines on occasion. Perhaps, we shall come to an understanding, perhaps not. In either case, I expect we shall remain on good terms.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
MJ, Lately I have been dating office spaces. There's the initial thrill of contact, followed by a preliminary meeting, and then there's decision making. There's anticipation, excitement, frustration, disppointment, and reality checks. I want to feel settled and move to the next stage, but I am trying really hard not to be too hasty. This is my way of saying to you to enjoy the process and give yourself time.
Not saying you do that. But if you aren't... then... you are still in that... 'shock' mode. Wait until your hot water heater goes out and see what that does to you. You may not recognize yourself.
Actually, I've had about a bajillion things like that happen. You have to remember my 2bx was never any good about taking care of that kind of stuff anyway. I told my sister that I think I'm suffering from a "passivity disorder" because stuff happens like one of my furnaces went out and I just shrug my shoulders and plug in a couple space heaters and think to myself "one more day camping out in the rubble of my former life". Luckily, my daughter is a high-functioning easy-going Type 9 so she doesn't care about the space heaters etc. as long as she can steal my clothes and I buy her sushi when she gets good grades.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
MJ, Lately I have been dating office spaces. There's the initial thrill of contact, followed by a preliminary meeting, and then there's decision making. There's anticipation, excitement, frustration, disppointment, and reality checks. I want to feel settled and move to the next stage, but I am trying really hard not to be too hasty. This is my way of saying to you to enjoy the process and give yourself time.
Good advice. Realistically, I don't even have my security deposit together at the moment so I can't be in any hurry.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
What it sounds like he is being a buddy to his 12 yr old son and imitating what 12 yr olds do. Then again I work too much and don’t have much fun.
I didn't mean to make it sound like he does nothing but play video games. I'm beginning to doubt that he is a Type 4 because he is so much a Jack-of-all-trades type. He's the kind of guy who used to work one full time job and one part time job all the time. He's definitely not inclined to be a "buddy" to his 12 year old. He is a very involved but VERY strict parent. He calls the discussions he has with his son "man law" as in "That rock-head boy of mine talked back to his teacher so we had man-law." Then I think he made him build a stone wall in the backyard and dismantle it or something like that.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Unfortunately, I think I'm exhibiting sexual "biscuit hoarding" behavior lately. I can't get over my almost 20 years of conditioning that trained me to believe that male sexual desire is a scarce resource. Here's what I find myself doing. I act as though GP is a banker and when I deposit enough "sexy" into my account with him then it is "safe" for me to actually withdraw some sex. The validation I get when I deposit the "sexy" is like the receipt or free lollipop the teller hands you. Of course, I can't be quite sure when I've deposited enough to cover the withdrawal I might want to take so I err on the cautious side because I have a serious fear of something bad happening if I bounce a check.
Perhaps a more apt analogy would be that my desire to keep the well primed overrides any current moderate thirst I might be experiencing. It's not really that I fear rejection either. I would feel more rejected if I didn't get the validation when I deposited the "sexy". Maybe this is just my way of "testing". I want to get a feel for what sort of exchange rate I might get before I make a run on the bank or something like that. Or maybe it's my own new peculiar brand of "bait and switch" along the lines of - I tricked you into believing that I was mostly an attractive flirt and tease but REALLY I'm an all out sex fiend- Surprise!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
ut it in zoo terms. I just got the whole 'zoo' thing, and now you are switching to banking, and I really hate math. Can't keep up.
I think I'm getting it... but. Help me.
LOL- How 'bout if I try to explain with anecdote rather than analogy.
First off, I should note that my sex life at the moment is semi-low frequency for reasons that have nothing to do with anybody's sex drive. GP and I both have full custody of adolescent children and we live about an hour and a half away from each other. Unless I happen to be in the metro area for other reasons, in order to spend time alone with him, I have to pretty much plan on playing hooky from my self-employment for an entire day which is not something I can afford to do too frequently given my current financial woes. Because, like most men, GP is used to dealing with relatively LDW, he never "pressures" me to be sexual when we get together in situations which are time/kid restricted. Also, I'm starting to understand that in his cultural milieu the female as social/sexual initiator is more status quo (basically African-American women raised in Detroit do not wait by the telephone for men to call them.)
Anyways, the practical limitations cause me to start getting a little bit of that old desperate feeling like I have to have sex when there is an opportunity or I will miss out. However, I hate that desperate feeling so much that I react against it and choose not to be sexual instead. For instance, I happened to be in the metro area one day last week and had a couple free hours between a book sale and a doctor's appointment so I called GP and went over to his house to hang out. He scored big "nice boyfriend" points because he had a pot of coffee made for me when I arrived (he doesn't drink it) and he had stocked up on more at the grocery just for me. As usual, he said pleasant things about my appearance and then he did an approach-from-behind-put-hands-on-waist- growl-at-neck thing as I was preparing my beverage which, of course, me being me, caused an immediate physical arousal reaction for me. But.. instead of doing whatever one little monkey thing I might have done to ramp up the action, I just spent the next couple hours having a pleasant conversation with him and I'm not sure why. However, I did have a semi-conscious thought along the lines of " I would rather have sex on Saturday then today." which would be a rational thought in a universe in which I knew I had to choose between sex on Saturday or Thursday but there is no evidence that I am dwelling in such a universe in my relationship with GP since pretty much all I need to do to get him aroused is play with the zipper on his jacket or something like that so I guess the question is am I still suffering from reactionary-psycho-fusion due to my long term SSM or am I just trying to find a new natural/functional sexual level for myself on a more "normal" playing field?
P.S.- On the whole "rushing me" issue, last night GP said that he was thinking that he would have to get married soon because he read that married men live longer. I deflected by saying that just having a pet could improve his life span.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Mojo I can't get over my almost 20 years of conditioning that trained me to believe that male sexual desire is a scarce resource. I am in the same boat. I "READ" about woman liking sex but it seems like that is in another land.
when I deposit enough "sexy" into my account with him then it is "safe" for me to actually withdraw some sex...... I want to get a feel for what sort of exchange rate I might get before I make a run on the bank or something like that. I suppose, I do something similar. When I rub BB's hair, back, and feet enough, then I feel I can make a sex-play withdraw.
Corri, the baking and math explanations works for me, but the zoo was interesting too.
