Hey hope - U are doing everything right man. You will here it said over and over again on this board that "PATIENCE" is the name of the game. U giving her space is what she needs. She is just using that space. Eventually, she will take up some of the slack in the rope u gave her. It's a constant tug of war. Only if u pull back that is. Give her as much slack as u can. And wait on her terms to take it back. I've been playing this game for almosts 9 mons now. I have made plenty of mistakes. My latest one being that I told her that I wont want to be her friend once we are D'd and seperated. That was just my hurt and resentment talking. I felt I couldnt be her friend and not her husband because of my feelings, but like Brit so wisely stated that was my putting my problems on her. I just was talking about this yesterday. About resentment. Here's a great quote that has helped me tremendously. “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Malachy McCourt Even though my waw cheated on me and still might be having an EA/PA I need to let it go. The past is the past. I loved how another member EAA stated it yesterday about Forgiveness "Forgiveness is sooooooo important. But it doesn't mean you have to forget. Forgiveness just means accepting that the past has already occurred and cannot be changed by anyone. Your W cannot change the past and neither can you...So let it go. That's really all there is to it. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you can't learn from the past. It doesn't mean that you have to forget. It doesn't mean that you must put up with repeat behavior. It simply means accepting that the past cannot be changed." He's right. It's that simple. We feel so hurt and so betrayed when our spouse leaves that we are blinded by that and keep from going after our goal of reconsile or becoming the person we want to be. That's why detaching w love, and letting go are so important. Once a lot of this boards members reach that level is when things have.
