I'm back after 3 days about 75 miles North of Bayji. waited for a C-130 for two days. It was almost like R&R. Head still hurts from the combat roll that the pilots do to avoid anit-aircraft fire. Ughhh!
Got an email from W. She sent me a story S9 wrote. it took him about 3 weeks to do. It was about Christmas. He wrote it from the standpoint of how he remembers Christmas' past, but it is writtedn as though it were this year. he describes going "into his parents room" and all the other fun stuff about Christmas that I remember. How can she send me this story without it ripping her heart out like it does mine? I guess that she is so far beyond this, thatit doesn't bother her at all.
Last year, I slept over on December 24th, and left Christmas night. What's do you all think about these type of arrangements if a couple is divorced. She would probably throw it at me "it's for the kids", but I feel, if it IS for the kids", why would you want to divorce in the first place? I feel that she will expect in future years that I pu the tree up and decorate it with the kids at "the house". I really want no part of this, because if it comes to that, we're NOT a family anymore. Don't try to push the "for the kids" thing on me? I've been trying to formulate this for the past couple of posts, but couldn't quite write waht I felt. I think I may be selfish, but, what about her?
Holidays ARE confusing!!! I have to deal with Thanksgiving even before I think about Christmas!!! We have some out of town relatives (on H's side of the family) coming and MIL has asked ME to cook. (MIL is in a retirement home and doesn't have a kitchen). H announced that he was coming, too. We have said from the start that ou goal is to be able to make other people comfortable when they are around both of us. He just wanted to know what time I was planning to eat. When I told him I didn't know yet he said that he HAD TO KNOW! I suspect he was trying to work in two Thanksgiving dinners. At least I got first choice of time. I was really tempted to pick mid afternoon which might screw up time for ow's dinner. Instead I picked noon time so I could be the first! (is that being passive aggresive?)
Reading the story must have been difficult for you! Maybe it affected your wife as well, but she just doesn't want to let you know. On the positive side--at least she sent it to you! I would think your son would be happy that you read it. It is a good place to start discussing feelings with him. Christmas may be different, but would you rather "act as if" you are enjoying being with the kids for Christmas or spend the time alone? There may be a time in the future that you split holidays....but no need to worry about that now. Christmas will be difficult enough this year just being in Iraq!
Hmm, so why did she send the story to you? My bet is because it touched her. From all that you've said she sounds like a hardened hearted woman. But I have always thought that was only a defensive mechanism to hid the enormous pain she carries. I'd be willing to bet further that is the layers of the onion were peeled back we'd find a rather sensitive person underneath. So my bet, the story exposed that person ever so slightly enough to be touch and then to send it to you. So IMHO I think this is a little bit of a cry out from her showing all that she misses and all that she wants.
Now on the subject of Christmas, good questions. I was up all night last night thinking about Christmas and if she asks me to come help decorate the tree. I'm not sure I can do that. But for now I'll have to worry about that later.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Man. Your H. is with another woman and his mother is coming to YOUR house? From the outside I would just lose it. (Tell HER to fix YOUR mother dinner, and the rest of your f**king family too!) I know, I know......Easy from the outside. Another thing...what's he doing to HELP with Thanksgiving, other than bringing his as* to your house? Jeez!!! I wasn't Dr. Phil, but I cleaned the house, washed the floors, did the toilets...c'mon!
CF: Yeah, bud. You are right about the soft center, but I don't feel she's opening up at all. She is so insecure, that the hard sheel is a cover up. She goes into it anytime she feels the least bit threatened or "wronged" by anyone. This explains how she has alienated friends over 20 years. She did send it, but she's so out of touch with how this stuff absolutely rips my heart out. Christmas will actually be easier here in Iraq. I'm sharing the hardships with all the people I command and we've been togetehr for 10 months already. They are all unique people, and it will be just fine here. It would actually rip my heart out more to be at home. I know how you must feel about the holidays.
I'll get over to your thread soon. I'm so busy!
Thanks for staying in touch both of you...even though I'm much more of a "taker" tah a "giver" these days.
Man. Your H. is with another woman and his mother is coming to YOUR house? From the outside I would just lose it. (Tell HER to fix YOUR mother dinner, and the rest of your f**king family too!) I know, I know......Easy from the outside. Another thing...what's he doing to HELP with Thanksgiving, other than bringing his as* to your house? Jeez!!! I wasn't Dr. Phil, but I cleaned the house, washed the floors, did the toilets...c'mon!
CF: Yeah, bud. You are right about the soft center, but I don't feel she's opening up at all. She is so insecure, that the hard sheel is a cover up. She goes into it anytime she feels the least bit threatened or "wronged" by anyone. This explains how she has alienated friends over 20 years. She did send it, but she's so out of touch with how this stuff absolutely rips my heart out. Christmas will actually be easier here in Iraq. I'm sharing the hardships with all the people I command and we've been togetehr for 10 months already. They are all unique people, and it will be just fine here. It would actually rip my heart out more to be at home. I know how you must feel about the holidays.
I'll get over to your thread soon. I'm so busy!
Thanks for staying in touch both of you...even though I'm much more of a "taker" than a "giver" these days.
Man. Your H. is with another woman and his mother is coming to YOUR house? From the outside I would just lose it. (Tell HER to fix YOUR mother dinner, and the rest of your f**king family too!) I know, I know......Easy from the outside. Another thing...what's he doing to HELP with Thanksgiving, other than bringing his as* to your house? Jeez!!! I wasn't Dr. Phil, but I cleaned the house, washed the floors, did the toilets...c'mon!
CF: Yeah, bud. You are right about the soft center, but I don't feel she's opening up at all. She is so insecure, that the hard sheel is a cover up. She goes into it anytime she feels the least bit threatened or "wronged" by anyone. This explains how she has alienated friends over 20 years. She did send it, but she's so out of touch with how this stuff absolutely rips my heart out. Christmas will actually be easier here in Iraq. I'm sharing the hardships with all the people I command and we've been togetehr for 10 months already. They are all unique people, and it will be just fine here. It would actually rip my heart out more to be at home. I know how you must feel about the holidays.
I'll get over to your thread soon. I'm so busy!
Thanks for staying in touch both of you...even though I'm much more of a "taker" than a "giver" these days.
It's my choice to cook T'giving dinner although I must sound like I am an idiot!!!! I will enjoy the out of town relatives even though they are on H's side. D17 is close to her Grandma. No one but one brother and me know about ow although I know my MIL suspects. H was always better at keeping house cleaned (that is his reason for wanting a divorce---that makes the divorce ALL MY FAULT, of course!)
Not keeping a clean house? I don't recall that in th e"for better or worse part", nor do I recall the caveat "if I am not emotionally satisfied". Sorry for the cynicism!
Instead I picked noon time so I could be the first! (is that being passive aggresive?) 
Try it with the back hatch open looking out and seeing the ground spin. You will be green without cammo paint. 