*shiver* its coooooold out there today. brrr. good news, though, I have someone (knock wood) coming to check out the shed roof today. everyone cross their fingers its an easy fix and not too much $.
not much else to tell. I finally braved opening h's amex so I could get that bill out in the mail. other than a couple of pricey dinners (seriously, doesn't she have the same freaking expense acct he used to???) there wasn't anything too bad on it. phew. I think I need to just let him pay his bills from now on. hard for me to, though, since we still haven't divided up the money and I hate to push for that. but I may have to, especially with christmas coming. I suppose I could just write checks w/o looking at what has been charged, but that goes against the grain, too, because I always go thru and make sure there isn't anything wrong on the bills. but then again, how would I know?
something to think about.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
saffie, that is an idea. I told h I was going to start forwarding his mail to him at ow's address and he told me absolutely not to. this was a couple of weeks ago, before he finally admitted to living with her, so I had about 5 minutes of hope that he wasn't.
I don't know why he doesn't want his mail forwarded, but I'll keep making the piles for now. only going to rock the boat so much, since he could make things pretty nasty if he wanted to. I need to decide if I'm going to keep paying them, though, or let him write out the checks himself. I'm afraid he's spendy enough as it is, if he is the one writing the checks, I have this fear he will go nuts, since I will no longer be seing things.
and honestly, this will all likely be resolved sooner rather than later.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
well, got the estimate and am having the work done next week. its really weird, I have no idea how much it should cost at all, am completely clueless, so no idea if I'm getting a deal or not, just happy its going to get done finally.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
wow, this is hard. h just called to say goodnight to the kids. I did my normal quick chat with him about the kids after, not really anything to say actually. for the second day in a row he sounded like he was in an even bigger rush than me to be off the phone. it sucks. its hard. but I know I can't chat right now. but just because I know I can't, doesn't mean I don't want to.
damn, I miss him.
no, not the jerk, but my h. I miss him. I miss the chatting.
have been a bit weepy off and on today because of it. I mean, I know he is gone, I know he isn't coming back, I know I've done everything I could do, to the best of my abilities at least, to try to save my marriage. but damn. the missing him just gets hard sometimes.
well, this too shall pass. the kids are off to bed soon and I have 2 choices...going to pour myself a glass of wine, then am going to go tackle the division of the christmas stuff. go with the weepiness I feel today and have a good wallow. the benefit is releasing the sadness, and then when I'm ready to decorate, that part (the division) will be done. granted, everything we own, even the stuff I consider "mine" is full of memories, so it will be hard no matter what once I pull the stuff out.
the other option is to have the glass of wine and finish up arrested development. will likely chase the weepiness away, but then, really, just putting this particular cry off for a bit.
not sure what I'll do. but I suppose I can start one, and switch to the other, if I find I'd rather go that route.
not much else going on. ordered a bunch of new books, all for fun, from amazon today. will throw a few in my christmas stocking
saffie inspired me so I talked to a friend today about starting a book club. looking forward to getting started. also scheduled a playdate for monday.
tomorrow will be a day to hibernate with the kids. lots of rain/wind/talk of the s word. blech. will light a fire, play, read stories, watch a movie, make cocoa, just enjoy the kids, even on a day where we are just kind of hanging out and not doing anything too special. will be fun all the same.
gotta run, jammie time. hope everyone is doing well. mk, if you are lurking, hope all is well with you.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Morgan-- I am only about 1.5 hours from you. Can you swing a trip? Come down and play with me and my kids in school in the art room, come over the weekend and we can make a day trip on the train to NYC... It could be good for both of us. Just a thought.
It is good that you are allowing yourself to feel it. If it gets bad, set a timer--no more than 15 or 20 minutes, then go Tae Bo.
sometime donna I may just have to do that, thanks for the invite!
I ended up watching a bit of arrested development, then finally decided to head downstairs. it was good...I tackled the christmas totes. we have a ton of christmas stuff, but it didn't end up being too bad. I put some music on, and went thru each one. I bawled my eyes out for a while...sceamed, cried, gnashed teeth, yelled, all of it. no setting timers...I asked my friend if I should and she told me not to, to just get it all out. didn't end up being all that long, actually, and wow did it feel good.
I separated out the stuff that is his and his alone...the hallmark ornaments from his childhood, the misc. ornaments I have given him over the years. the ones that we bought together that are more us, though, I kept. I'm sorry, they are NOT going on ow's tree. if he wants any of the other misc. decor, well, we'll see. I am not comfortable with stuff we bought together, or was given as gifts to us together, being in his home that he shares with an OW. hoenstly I doubt it will be an issue, I doubt if he will want it. but I know the ornaments that are particularly sentimental for him and set those aside. I packed up a box of "his" stuff and set it inside the basement closet with the box of his sweaters, his cds, etc. If he wants to take it, he's welcome to it. I just know those are not going on my tree this year.
I felt good. and boy how happy am I that I bought all those totes from target last year! made this very easy.
I'm going to be okay. I look like sh!t. haven't been doing a very good job at taking care of myself. I haven't seen my normal 5x per week w/o in a while, and I can feel it. don't get me wrong, I haven't completely slacked, but haven't been as vigilant, and it is not good. after the basement I came upstairs and worked out my schedule for the week...getting back into the routine. no more backsliding on taking care of me. including eating better. I haven't been eating regular meals. outside of a bowl of oatmeal in the morning, I don't think I've sat down for a real meal in a while. need to get back to eating with the kids. don't get me wrong, I've been eating, btw, just grabbing stuff here and there. I feel lousy for it. just have not been treating myself well at all.
anyway, that's my update for the night. hope everyone is doing well.
goals for tomorrow include lots of play time/special time with the kids, but also w/o and ab tape. I was going to skip those (well, the gym anyway) since the weather looked lousy, but I just checked again and now they are saying it might clear up early, and who knows, may end up being nothing at all, so going to go with it. if it is lousy, well, going to throw tae bo in.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Love your new goals. I have been the same way with eating. I'll get something sound for breakfast, then its whatever the rest of the day. I have slacked with running 5X's a week too. Let's work on this together.
HUGS about the Christmas stuff, girl. Glad its behind you now. When you decorate with the kids, it'll be happy.
Toes too.