Now what? Wait it out?

[Michael Mc C]

Have you noticed progress with your W? In that spending quality time together is bringing you closer? I see that she has come around somewhat in that she is comfortable enough to start calling you.

Yes, there has definitely been some progress. I don't believe we're anywhere close enough to starting to resolve things but the time we do spend together talking, even playing a little, is something we had been missing for a while. It's a start anyway.

Has she continued her EA? That's the worst part of this--this other person hanging over my head. I feel that every time I see or speak to her she's comparing the two of us and I always come up short.

The EA has ended (at least from the OM's perspective). I think she is still holding out hope but she doesn't spend as much time walking around pissed off like she once did. As for the comparison, I know what you mean. She told me weeks ago that she was trying to reconnect with me - while the EA was still in progress!! I said how can you possibly do that when you're still 'in love' with this guy AND I'm not 'allowed' to be myself right now?

The 'not allowed' part however was my mistake. She doesn't control that, I do. Regardless, the comparison, I think continues. As he fades more and more, I hope that my PMA will be strong enough for her to see what she almost gave up. I don't want to say that I'm trying to win her back, it's more like trying to remind her of who I really am.

losing face...

I used to be concerned about this. She built a very convincing case about how horrible it was to remain married to me and she tried it on everyone. I believe that she only succeeded in convincing herself. Anyway, my job is to counter that thinking by demonstrating a good argument (demonstrate, not discuss).