what is a dangle a participle ????? Me too IC.????????
Is it a half-hair piece that gets caught on something as the hair-piece owner walks by what ever the hair piece got caught on?
Let me re phrase that to on which it (the hair-piece) got caught.
IC, something about another rule indicates one shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition what ever a preposition is. I remember that rule from a Beavis and Butthead movie. BTW, did those two ever graduate?
Lil “Standing at the corner, two children walked past me.” A better version of this example would be, “While I was standing at the corner, two children walked past me.”
Two children walked past me at 3PM today as I stood on the corner of Main and Elm Street. The old who, what, when, where thing helps. Many times we can only guess why something happens, so I leave out ‘why’ sometimes.
My rule is if I had to explain something to a non-English speaking person, what/how would I say it?
IC, I went to 28 different schools from 2nd. to 10th. Grades. It was explained several times but, like you, it didn't sink in. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it, although I got all A's in college English.
As you know, sex was a huge issue with H and I proir to his A. I had the mentality that it was a nice-to-have in a marriage, not a must-have. Of course, I had no idea that this way of thinking was not exactly healthy.
Anyway, as H and I started working on our M, it became more and more clear that sex was very important to H... more than I could have guessed. So I tried hard to change my mindset about it. And it took time, but I am getting there.
My point is, the more free you allow yourself to be, them more easy it will come to you. This might mean faking it"... well not faking IT, but faking feeling like you want to have sex. Then your H will get into it and it might start snowballing from there... in a good way.
I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you dno't already know... it's just been my experience.
I also think that it's great that you and your H are speaking freely about it. In time, this may be what frees you up to your own sexuality.
From what I've read of your sitch and what you've posted to me, it sounds like you and yoru H are making some good, slow, steady progress.
And by the way, I totally get feeling less pressure when he's otu of town. Boy, do I knwo how you feel.
Anyway, just checking in on you.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
My point is, the more free you allow yourself to be, them more easy it will come to you. This might mean faking it"... well not faking IT, but faking feeling like you want to have sex. Then your H will get into it and it might start snowballing from there... in a good way.
I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you dno't already know... it's just been my experience.
PS, You may not be telling me anything I don't know, but I soooo need the reminder.
I am really back to my baseline LD self. I thought going off the AD would help, and it does help in that I have the capacity now to O, but it is still a fight to keep a level of spontaneous desire going. My Life has been very busy now; I am doing a lot of multi-tasking, and it's easy for me to let the sex ball drop, so to speak. The past few nites I have been issuing pre-emptive strikes to my H as I climb into bed...not a very sexy thing to do. Tonight I will keep my mouth shut and go with the flow.
Thanks again, PS, for posting here. It is so necessary for me to come back to my thread and keep an eye on the ball ( take that any way you want)!
I have trouble understanding why LD women want marriages that are NOT complete. It's like you want to be companions rather then true soulmates. To me soulmates is essentially a relationship that consist of ALL the various types of relationships. That would be lovers, friends, companions, roomates, best friends, etc.. So why would a woman not want her marriage to be complete? It just seems like you all want to be companions, which to me is basically NOT a marriage worth having.
cemar, I wasn't looking at it from the perspective of "not complete". For me, it was just not something I was into. Even now, I have to really let myself go and give it a chance before I can really enjoy it. It just got to the point for me where I knew I didn't really enjoy it, and I had better things to do like clean the house or go shopping. It's not like it was going to be 20 minutes of pure pleasure, like it would for my H.
That said, I NOW know that my attitude was terrible and I have changed it. And I NOW agree that it is a very important part of M. It does bring us closer together. It's just that for my H, it is guaranteed that he'll get something out of it. It is not guaranteed for me. And liek I said above, I have to make a conscious choice to try to get into it, and these days it usually works.
Last night, for example, H had asked if I was making cookies for dessert. I told him that I was the dessert. So that started it. H was in a good mood all night waiting for dessert. So, when it came time, I wasn't in the mood. But I knew I couldn't back down, so I just went with it and pretended I was into it. And eventually I was.
Does that make any sense?
RJ, Hang in there. It's all a journey and we are all learning every day.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Cemar, I don't think you are able to understand how being LD feels, much in the same way that I didn't understand how being HD feels, until I suddenly had those feelings. I am wondering if you ever experienced a period of time where you weren't sexual, like maybe if you had an illness, or a death in the family, etc. When you don't feel sexual, having sex is, well, just not important. And it's hard to get that anyone else would want it. Underneath, I did feel like something was wrong with me, esp because we live in such a sexual society, but to truly work on this problem was overwhleming. Much easier to shut it off.
PS, Thank you for your continued support.
Update: I went to bed last nite and took you all with me! I could hear PS's voice of " just do it", Cemar's "show him desire", Corri's " it's about emotional connection", IC's "lumpy HSA's can have fun", etc. And you know what...it was a really wonderful nite!
When you don't feel sexual, having sex is, well, just not important. And it's hard to get that anyone else would want it. Underneath, I did feel like something was wrong with me, esp because we live in such a sexual society, but to truly work on this problem was overwhleming. Much easier to shut it off.
This is soooo how I felt and I must say that at times I still do. It's so much easier now that we have "reconnected" if you will for me to turn it back on, but yes, the switch does still get shut off. FWIW.
Update: I went to bed last nite and took you all with me! I could hear PS's voice of " just do it", Cemar's "show him desire", Corri's " it's about emotional connection", IC's "lumpy HSA's can have fun", etc. And you know what...it was a really wonderful nite!
LOL, I'm sure IC will be thrilled to learn that he was involved in his first orgy ...At least it better be his first...and only {Miss IC, rolling up her sleeves and fixing to beat IC's ass}
Good for you Journey, good for you. We all love you too
RJ, listen girl, I so understand what you are talking about. Been there, done that. Unfortunately, my H ended up dropping the D bomb & had numerous A's before I woke up. Not saying this will happen to you, I'm just saying this is what finally woke me up.
During the whole D sitch & thereafter before he left for deployment I was WAY HD & loved it. I then noticed after awhile, maybe b/c the drama had died down or something, I wasn't 'feeling it' all the time anymore.
Now, I'm extra paranoid that my drive will go back down after he's been back for awhile. I quit taking my AD, but have now started taking it again just in a lower dose. I had quit taking it b/c I was so scared it was going to affect my drive & my ability to O. I noticed when I was over there visiting, w/ us having S numerous times a day, it took probably about 6 days of that before I finally had an O. Not sure if this was b/c of the AD or if it was just a woman thing of having to get back into it after being apart for so long, etc.
Anyway, moral of my story I guess is that for those of us who aren't just naturally HD, we do have to work at it and keep it at the forefront of our minds that our H do need S on a regular basis and, whether we truly are always wanting that or not, we kind of have to get our minds & bodies where they need to be so that we can accomodate their needs and hopefully in the process get to the point where we want it too. I have to keep reminding myself that, unlike I guess I was brought up to believe, men don't always just want sex for sex, their emotions and feeling loved by us come into play too.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
The other thing that makes me feel not normal is that I see now that it's emotional distance, and not emotioanl connection, that gets me more revved up. It's like I have to retrain my thoughts and behavior.
...At least it better be his first...and only {Miss IC, rolling up her sleeves and fixing to beat IC's ass} 
