Why can't I do this....

[houndfan]

Well, I don't expect that she will provide any comments at all regarding hope. She is absolute that this D is a done deal, although she will not file because she still needs some of the benefits of this marriage (insurance/relocation).

I am doing everything that I can to let her go and provide space, however, I am still the one she calls on for anything be it dog food, or something for the kids, or money. It is killing me. This morning she called me about 4 times and I let the calls roll to VM as I have been very busy, when I finally called her back she was PO'd because I had not answered her calls. She said what if the kids were hurt or sick or something, when I knew all along that she wanted to talk about my paycheck.

So I am trying to give her the space that she wants, but she keeps pulling me in. I really wish there was something that I could do to change this, I really miss my kids so much and I miss the little intimate moments that she and I used to share.

While I have contributed to the breakdown of this marriage, this all really came out of the blue and now she is so absolute about her decisions. She has it all worked out in her head as to what I should do to make up for my behavior, and I am afraid to stand up for myself for fear that she will use my kids as pawns, although I do not believe that she would ever do that.

I am sick with the thought that she won't at least try something to work on this. Even if that means to work on it until we go back to our home state in a few months. I just don't feel like she has thought this out and she is giving up. I miss my family so much and yet I am just a few doors away.