What a good year this has been.....

[forever21]

Thanks for stopping, and for the good wishes, Nikki and HS!!!!

I can't believe tomorrow is Friday already. I've been home since Monday morning. What a week.

Hawaii was good. And MUCH needed.

On my way to the airport on the day I was flying out.... financial stress brought on by H.... Only served to make me feel even better about taking the vacation.
The day I got home..... H wants me to sign a Quit Claim for some house he is apparently planning on purchasing. Okay. First I'd heard of it, and I was the one actually trying to get ahold of him.

Huge thanks to Julie, Kim07, and my C! I don't know how I would've gotten through this week and handled it all so well without you. I feel a bit numb, but am doing pretty good.

There was no doubt in my mind the day I was flying out just how much I needed some hope in my life. I'd been struggling more than I realized. I met some nice people, and they probably have no idea the impact they each had on my life at this time. I came home feeling pretty darn good compared to when I left. I have no doubt I can get through this rough time. I am feeling hope for my future again, and I will work on building it back up.

I have had a cold most of the week, so that's not helping. I'm definitely in a fake it till I make it mode but not even trying to fake it very well. I am in one of the most negative places I've been in in a long while. Been feeling like a victim too much... I know it, and I don't like it. But it's not just a bad thing because I sense this is bringing on some much needed change. Maybe I'm simply seeing that this is a depressing situation, rather than trying to be hopeful and positive through it. My goal is to be more positive again, while not necessarily more hopeful about my sitch with H. I'm not feeling he's worthy of my DBing efforts.

I have an appointment with an attorney next week. I told H I will be using that to get more information in order to make a decision on signing that quit claim or not. He is to pay for that appt. One of his latest concerns.... "it's not a divorce lawyer is it??". He just wants me to sign that SO badly, and he knows they will likely advise me not to. According to him his loan is subject to him being married and me signing the QCD... so he asked me to wait until after it goes through before I file if I'm planning on doing that. Assuming I'm going to sign it.

Lots of assumptions on his part. He says he didn't know this would be "such a big deal", thought it'd be no problem. With how anxious he's been and with all the pressuring, it only made me grow more suspicious of his motives. I even had to tell him that via email at the advice of my C, so he would knock it off. Of course he claims that I have nothing to worry about and this is going to help "US" out, not hurt me financially at all, and that he will continue paying the bills here at our house. He already isn't doing that... Hello.

He doesn't know that I know he is most likely still seeing the OW, and he's saying they're broke up and hasn't seen or talked to her in weeks. I also know that he attempted to buy a home in the Summer and that the OW was there with him for that. He said he is going to proceed with this even though my appt with the L isn't until next week because it's crunch time, and he'd told everyone involved that I'd never hold this up. Leaving it on me to make or break it, and be the one to blame for him losing money on the deal and missing out on this opportunity of his if/when it falls through. I made sure to set him straight on that.

Also, H just agreed to go to a mediator (not for divorce, but to talk about this matter with the quit claim and issues around this thing for now). He claims he has a plan around this home purchase and wants me to hear him out, and that he wants to work on our personal stuff too. Of course he will... right after I sign that, right? There are always promises in order to get what he wants, and then he doesn't follow through. I was not willing to talk with him again without a neutral 3rd party present so I'd suggested this. I figure it should only provide more info to help me make my decision(s).

Wow... that was long. Thanks so much for "listening" if you made it through all of it.

Happy Friday!!