sorry you had to pay 8. I'm excited to see what the green shade looks like. I think that will work nicely too.
on H's behavior. I think it's a good thing. I really doubt that it is money related. if he's that bad at lying, how good can he be at acting like he's having a good time with you? Just definitely continue to do what your doing! but you know that.
do you have your plans for this weekend?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
msladybug It's a funny thing, isn't it? I think it has to do with making enough changes that it feels like "your" space instead of a constant reminder of the decorating that you did as "our" space. At least that's what it was for me when I redid the master bedroom. And now doing the spare room.. I don't want to live in a hole in the wall part of the house, I want it to be nice! So making it that way, cause I deserve it. You do too.
A red bathroom? That sounds cool!
Hey I forget if I posted this on your thread, but there's a DB get together in California on the weekend of 12/8. Here's more info on it, in case you might want to join us: Nothern Cali get together (I noticed your profile said Central CA, so it might be pretty close by for you).
Donna Thanks for the hug!! (((Donna))) Here's one back at ya.
ST Not too worried about the $8... not too much in the grand scheme of things. If I ever want to paint something to resemble a yellow highlighter I'm totally set, too.
The new color doesn't look AT ALL like the paint chip either... on the paint chip it's a faint green (sort of grassy "tone" of green but much lighter). It's called "fine lime" so I KNOW it's supposed to be green. Put it on the wall, and it's blue! Not even greenish blue... very, very blue, almost a "sky blue." Weird. It's very pretty and it looks good with the carpet though, so I'm going with it.
You make a good point about H being a bad liar... easy for me to "see" it when he's lying about bad things, but I need to recognize that he's not faking it (most likely) when he's having a good time, too.
This weekend - thank you for asking! My only definite plans are for a baby shower / brunch on Sunday, for a good friend who I don't get to see very often. I'm very excited for that! I should work on some Friday night plans... hmmmm. The rest of Sat/Sun I will mostly be finishing my room and getting my stuff moved in there. H has classes all day Sat and Sun so I can enjoy some time at home to myself - looking forward to that. I do enjoy my time at home anyway, it's just much easier to stay upbeat when I'm not dealing with the whole Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing.
whatisis Wow, I am surprised to see you here too! I haven't followed your whole stich but have read some of your posts, and I never thought you'd be here either. I'm so sorry. I will have to catch up on you.
You hang in there, too... it's a crazy ride isn't it?
First off, my internet connection at home died, so I may not be on much until I can get that fixed. I'm so frustrated because I really want to catch up with a bunch of my friends here! Please know I am thinking of you, though, and I will be by to officially offer hugs and support very soon.
I took tomorrow off to deal with finishing the "big stuff" in my room, and now apparently also work on getting the 'net connection fixed.
OT - I called a plumber.
Plumber comes tomorrow morning, I'll work on fixing my internet connection, and my sofa/bed is FINALLY supposed to be delivered (I hope! They are such flakes on the delivery thing). Hoping to finish painting once all that's done. If the paint dries quick enough I'd like to work on my closet install too. I started to do it the other day then realized there's not much point in marking studs and installing it all just to take it back down to paint. OK so I may have too many things for one day.. .. but it's good to be busy. Going out with some friends tomorrow night for our regular Wednesday thing.
I am feeling more detached from H this week - and oddly, also from the house. I think making the decision not to buy H out if it comes to a D made a big difference somehow. I basically feel like it's his house, but I'm "renting" (via half the mortgage) until we either reconcile or decide for sure to D and the financial arrangements are in place. It feels like taking care of myself now, instead of being sad or desparate to hang onto the house. It's hard to explain but it's a good feeling.
I also thought of something yesterday - just because H would ultimately end up with the house, that doesn't mean he has to stay there NOW. If this in home sep thing doesn't work or if we move closer to a D, I think I'm going to ask H to find somewhere to live temporarily, with the understanding that I don't intend to buy him out of the house. He can buy me out and then refi it in his name, sell it, or whatever. Initially I talked about buying him out and he was VERY angry that I would take "his" house (because of all the work he's done on it). Now I've realized I wouldn't want that anyway - he wants it, he can have it. (and no this decision isn't about H - it's truly what's right for me - but I think it will be a relief for him also).
That would give me time to sort, clean, pack, etc. He trusts me enough to live somewhere else and know I won't do anything shady with his "stuff." I on the other hand don't trust him that much - so if I go, I am taking everything that's mine with me. Meaning basically, it'll take me a whole lot longer to move than it would take him. Also that way when the finances are settled I can buy a place, I'd only have to move once, and I could settle in to my new place feeling like it's really mine instead of some temporary thing until the D is done. I dunno if he'd even go for it, but just another alternative I thought about.
Ok... gotta get back to work, but will check in when I can.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I lied... one more quick post! I keep meaning to post about this.
On my Sonoma trip I was looking everywhere for some kind of memento / reminder for my new room (as SD suggested). Nothing was really "hitting" me until I was in this rock/gem store on the last day - a small polished rock with the word "Believe" carved into it. I have no idea why that particular one struck me the way it did. I would've thought "hope" or something would make more sense right now, but for some reason I just knew it as soon as I saw it that this was my reminder / souvenir.. believe in myself.
The desktop fountain I put in my room is all black rocks/slate, and the "Believe" rock is a very light color so it stands out really well. I put it in the open "pool" area of the fountain, so the "waterfall" part washes over it and you can see "Believe" behind it. It's pretty cool.
And then... at the Springsteen concert he did a song I haven't listened to in ages.
Reason to Believe Bruce Springsteen
Seen a man standin' over a dead dog lyin' by the highway in a ditch He's lookin' down kinda puzzled pokin' that dog with a stick Got his car door flung open he's standin' out on highway 31 Like if he stood there long enough that dog'd get up and run Struck me kinda funny seemed kinda funny sir to me Still at the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe
Now Mary Lou loved Johnny with a love mean and true She said "Baby I'll work for you every day and bring my money home to you" One day he up and left her and ever since that She waits down at the end of that dirt road for young Johnny to come back Struck me kinda funny seemed kind of funny sir to me How at the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe
Take a baby to the river Kyle William they called him Wash the baby in the water take away little Kyle's sin In a whitewash shotgun shack an old man passes away take his body to the graveyard and over him they pray Lord won't you tell us tell us what does it mean Still at the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe
Congregation gathers down by the riverside Preacher stands with his Bible groom stands waitin' for his bride Congregation gone and the sun sets behind a weepin' willow tree Groom stands alone and watches the river rush on so effortlessly Wonderin' where can his baby be Still at the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe -------------
By this last verse, I was singing "still at the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe" at the top of my lungs w/tears in my eyes.
Before anyone gets worried.. not believe in the sense of Mary Lou standing at the end of the dirt road... not hanging on hopelessly to a M that's over. It struck me more as no matter what happens, there's always a reason to believe that you can make your future better.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I think that's a great idea, about telling H you would allow him to buy you out since it's that important to him, but you need him to temporarily move out while things are finalizing.
totally agree on that one, and he should give in to that, if the house is THAT important to him.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Thanks ST - we'll see what happens. ---------------------------------------- Had SUCH a productive and good day today, I'm really excited! My "to do" list was about 10 times longer than the hours I had, but that's ok. I'll keep plugging away at it. I still had a really great day. This'll be a bit long but I'm just so darn excited.
Obviously... got the internet connection fixed. Yay! That was only about 1.5 hours with tech support (yeah a long time but really, not THAT bad).
The plumber showed up around 9:15. Umm.. I just hafta know, who here bribed the company?? Because OMG ... this guy was HOT!! I mean seriously.. a hot plumber? (no offense to any plumbers out there but ya know.. the stereotype isn't pretty.. but I would've PAID to see this guy's butt crack!! ). He seemed to feel guilty charging me for such little stuff because they have a minimum service charge - it only took him maybe 20 minutes to fix my two "issues" but he had to charge me for an hour. They normally do a quick 10 minute free inspection as part of their service, but instead he did a really thorough one, I think to make up for some of the time (and hey, I wasn't gonna complain about getting a walk through of the house and all the stuff he wanted to come back and fix... ). We had a bunch of P-trap issues, and apparently a pretty serious air-gap issue... I'm a dork but what the heck... I asked all about what those were, what they do, how they work, thanked him for explaining a few mysterious plumbing oddities in the house... it was pretty fun actually. I would've quit asking if he looked rushed or annoyed but he seemed pretty eager to share his plumbing knowledge, and I learned a lot too.
And the house apparently needs like $15k in plumbing work if a pro had to do it (not all at once, but still, that's a lot!). So it made me more comfortable with my decision NOT to stay if it comes to D, too (between that, knowing it needs another $10k or so of HVAC work... it's just too much!!). H can and would do 99% of it himself if he/we kept the house... I on the other hand would have to pay someone and frankly, I don't think I could afford to keep up with a 50+ year old house.
After that I was going to paint but was just NOT in a painting mood so decided to do all the other "little" stuff in my room first. Yeah.. putting on cabinet knobs, hanging blinds, hanging a shade over an open cabinet. Sounds like quick and easy jobs right??
Um... not for someone who has, literally, not even drilled a hole in a piece of wood since maybe high school? (and I can probably count the TOTAL times I've done anything like that on one hand). Don't know that I EVER have drilled through a wall, sheetrock, etc. Nails and picture hanging is about the extent of my "DIY" experience. Somehow I had forgotten that.
So... step 1, unscrew the old, too short, painted-in screws for the cabinets to put on the new knobs. I'm thinking OK, this'll be quick, nice way to start the day. I grab a screwdriver and 30 minutes later I FINALLY get the first one all the way out. I have 5 more to go. UGH! So I remember, somewhere I KNOW H has a power screwdriver-y like device... spent another 30 minutes digging through the garage. By the end of that I was thoroughly frustrated and hadn't found it (and a little bit pissed.. GEEZ!!!.. if I had any room in the house this crammed and unorganized he'd throw a fit).
So, step 2, hit the hardware store and buy my own tools! I felt silly describing the "screwdriver-y thing" at the hardware store (thank goodness they know and like me). Finally I/we realize the screwdriver IS the drill..duh.. it's just a different "bit." Lucky for me everything was on sale - got at least $150 worth of tools for about $60. Nice!!! (no, I don't really have $60 laying around but figure I will need this stuff anyway if we D, and even if we don't it's nice to have my own tools that I know where they are, and they aren't all greasy and nasty!).
Somehow I'm oddly excited to own a power drill, bit set, driver set, stud finder, and laser level set. Even funnier, I thought I was non-chalant but the hardware store guys had these big ol' grins on their faces and congratulated me on my purchase.. .
Got all that home... cool, ready to go, right? Then I realize I have no freaking CLUE what a "chuck" is or how to operate it (though suddenly the "chuckless!" ad on the boxes made sense). I spent another 30 minutes messing around with the drill/screwdriver. Wanted to get online and look it up, but no internet.. still waiting for tech support's call back.
This is SUCH a 180 for me not to get frustrated, cry, and give up entirely. I kept myself calm and finally - woo hoo! - figured it out, and got the screwdriver bit installed. I showed the dog, she seemed unimpressed . Went to use it to pull out the next screw, and yikes.. it's a good thing these cabinets were already pretty thrashed. The bit kept slipping off the screw and I made a bunch of new dents. Again though, I kept at it and kept telling myself "this is your first time doing this!" By the time I got to the last knob I was a pro at removing old screws and putting in new ones.
Then got to the last door and.. gulp... no prior screw. So I hauled out my ruler and level set, laser-marked it, took a guess on the drill bit size, took about 3 deeeep breaths, and drilled a hole through the cabinet. I realize this is going to sound ridiculous to anyone who's ever done this before, but to me it was SO COOL! I love that smell of freshly cut wood... reminds me of either a camp fire about to be built, or of remodeling. I don't think I have EVER "made" that smell happen all on my own. I was so darned excited about that little 1/8" hole in the cabinet door and the sawdust on the floor.
Finished the knobs, and moved on to the roll-up shade over the open cabinet. Looked easy but that turned out to be the toughest thing to install, took me FOREVER, but I figured it out and again I'm so proud of it.
I figured the blinds were going to take ages, but I even got those installed in under an hour! Woo hoo!!! (and if I knew blinds were THIS easy I'd have replaced our icky ones years ago... good thing to know).
Unfortunately the furniture place flaked AGAIN. I had a long argument with their delivery guy and finally decided to cancel the order and dispute it with my credit card (because the store refuses to cancel/credit it). Pretty pissed.. although I'm glad I stood up for myself. Wish me luck on the $$. I plan to shop for either a similar futon/sofa thing or a comfy day-bed tomorrow and/or this weekend (at stores I've done business with before and know they are good!).
I'm excited, my room now has a working sink and shower, beautiful bamboo blinds, knobs on the cabinets, a darker bamboo cover over a formerly open (and ugly!) cabinet. It's definitely coming along!! Wish I could've gotten at least the masking done today too, but I just bit off way more than I could chew. And, I'm the proud owner of - oh my goodness - a POWER TOOL! I'm pretty excited about that. A bit behind on my planned "move in" date, but getting closer. I honestly think this is the most I've gotten done in a day since shortly after we first got this house, when I was motivated to make it all "perfect" ASAP.
And got an invite to a friend's house for dinner on Saturday. Her latest thing is trying a new gourmet meal every Sat... and she invited me to share in her creation this week. Should be fun!
Met another new friend at the meetup group tonight, too. Unfortunately it was kind of weird.. out of 12 people only 2 of us showed (not even the organizer showed up!)... so that was odd, but we hit it off, so that was cool. Poor girl.. she and her xH had almost the SAME story as me and my H.. almost down to the days in terms of Bomb 1, Reconcile 1, Bomb 2/3... to the point it was kinda eerie. She lived in Florida previously though, and there a D can be REALLY quick. She filed Oct. 2 and it was final Oct. 25.. WOW!!! In CA it's a 6 month minimum no matter what. She seemed pretty shell-shocked but at the same time was so smart, beautiful, just full of life - really neat to talk to. She didn't have that "lost" look a lot of us have (and it was funny, she said the same about me... a year ago I KNOW I had that look). She even shared my excitement about drilling a hole in a cabinet door.
Ahh it's way past my bedtime.. but I will catch up on everyone soon!! Hugs to you all.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Jak.. I had NO IDEA! I [now] love power tools! Wow.. band saws.. nail guns... ?? I am impressed. Hijack away! how're you doing?? I hope things are going well for you. Will keep an eye out for a new thread. ---------------------------------------- The furniture saga continues. I talked to them several times today, they kept insisting "If it's a problem we deliver it NOW!" and I had to say "No I want to CANCEL it. I am AT WORK NOW, the problem is you not calling in advance, or delivering it when you said you would!" Back and forth, back and forth... long story short they get one more chance (barely). I will look at it in the store tomorrow night as they FINALLY set it up for me as they agreed to weeks ago.. if it's OK they'll deliver it by noon Sat. If they don't, I told them I'm disputing it at 12:01. I was going to be home anyway working on my room, so I'm not having to go out of my way. Not a huge issue in the grand scheme of life but what a PITA.
In H related news.. been a funny week. Last weekend was his crazy "all nighter" party followed by a day of sleeping followed by helping his WAS sister move (also somewhat preceded by me pretty much letting go and moving on). This week? Every night... H is home early, in bed by 9:00-9:30 (our normal bedtime is/was around 10-10:30)... no texting that I'm aware of (I'm not snooping but he's not rushing to hide the phone, it's either off and on the charger or in his car all the time). And TONS of questions about where I've been, who with, etc. Oh and I cooked dinner for myself earlier this week and offered to share - it turned out VERY good and I had a lot of leftovers. He's been raving about it every night.
Tonight in particular was funny. I went out shopping for a baby shower on Sun. I got home with the gift, wrapping stuff, and some house cleaning supplies. H asked what was up with the "baby stuff" and we talked a bit about it, he said "Oh, some baby shower I don't know about?" That cracked me up... especially since it's for a mutual friend! I said "Yeah on Sunday." He kept acting funny about it so I said "Why, did you want to go?" [it's a SHOWER, it's a girlie thing, hello??]. He said "No.. I have class." All serious like he wanted to go or something.. it was just funny.
Then he mentioned the cleaning stuff, and I said I was happy to have some better shower cleaning supplies (which is true.. granted I got them to clean out my new shower, but I'm glad to have a telescoping scrubber thing either way). He then mentioned how he noticed the blinds I put in.. but didn't say a lot about it. Just that they looked really nice. He half asked/half questioned "So, making the back room look nice..." It wasn't an actual question so I didn't answer.
Yes, I probably should have actually talked to him about it but.. for now, it just feels good to be doing things for me, feel like I know what the heck is going on, and maybe make HIM wonder what's going on for a change.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
You do too.
.
thank you!!!