CVA - Figuring out What's Next

[Not Much Left]

Ok, typing again. Examining the issue behind the anxiety does / is helping. I know exactly why I get anxious about what is going on right now. Total uncertainty, still, even though there seems to be certainty on the D front. Not knowing what to expect or what reaction she is going to have or that little, subtle jab, is frustrating. When someone treats me w/ complete neutrality, I get incredibly frustrated. Normally, I would just not associate w/ that person, however, in this case, I have to.

I have dinner w/ them and there is just NO talking to *me*. I have this sneeking suspicion I now know how it feels to not want to be around someone becuase you know at any time they could say something that is like a kick in the stomach or a jab that chips away at your self confidence. Hmmmmm, I think I am on to something....she did not / does not want to be around me, why, she was afraid of everthing that came out of my mouth, regardless of intent.