Quote: Have been trying to kill myself with alcohol and smoking, just realized this recently,but how do you fix this without shaking up everything.
find another more productive vice and slowly make the transition from these to those...
excersize works wonders...why not try AA they may have some ideas as well.
no you are not a phsyco you are just a person who is honest...candidness is something that not all have and not all can appreciate...we think we're supposed to be honest with people and then learn that honesty isn't always the best policy even with our spouses.
about w backing away a tad when you start to feel down...try not to let it get to you...as hard as it is for us it is also hard for them...so instead of finding a way to comfort us they pull away to allow us to comfort ourselves...not always productive as it tends to foster more resentment in us...unless we can find the reasons why...(self preservation on both parts)
if you can talk to w about this issue without blaming or being to needy but simply letting her know different things that she could do to help during those times to feel closer instead of further apart.
Told w. about plans, also mentioned additional need for support. W. seemed appreciative and willing.
The ever elusive 2 drinks? Reached that goal all right Plus 7, Plus 3, Plus 5, Plus ?. ETC.
And I thought I could count
Oh well, everyday is a fresh start.
Another low point today,Confrontation @ work.
Forgot to see others point of view again. Coworker verbally profane and rather demeaning,(Holding 2 foot long hardwood bat at shoulder height,) Extremly agitated and highly volatile in apppearance.
Myself, Defensive then Aggresive, Ended unresolved, Foreman hears, Manager overhears Union Prez, U. Vice Prez, Foreman, Me, Him, Meeting!! Smoothed over, No paper
See what I mean SHAKING EVERYTHING UP Problem is I dont really think I relish confrontation, yet when it rears its ugly head, instinct seems to take over.(Never let a silly thing like fear or common sense stand in your way.)
Positive notes All quiet on the home front, no confrontation to speak of,and, lots of productive conversations.
Seriously considering that exercise idea L.L.
M.B. I'd rather die of thirst, than drink from the cup of mediocrity.
Glad to hear things are going smoothly on the home front.
Bummer about the work "event", at least it's been smoothed over.
About the drinking and such....I believe you mentioned that you've been drinking more than you used to since your M sitch exploded.
Well, I kinda think you have company there. Now KNOW I am not trying to make excessive drinking OK, but I've heard time after time about folks here who are having a little more vino than they used to, a little more regularly.
I'm one of them. I looked over our last few months bills and receipts and discovered that our food costs went down, but our booze costs rose, just about proportionately!
So I think it's fairly usual to turn to our vices in these times...BUT it's also fairly easy for that to get out of hand.
Much to my everlasting shame, H and I (who never smoked cigarettes in our entire lives) began taking halls, then sharing a smoke at a bar, and before you know it there was a pack in our freezer! No, I really DO NOT want to become a 1st time smoker at 40!!!
So it is good to try and reign these things in. Just know you're not alone .
Reached that goal all right 
Plus 7, Plus 3, Plus 5, Plus ?. ETC.
Coworker verbally profane and rather demeaning,(Holding 2 foot long hardwood bat at shoulder height,) Extremly agitated and highly volatile in apppearance.
Union Prez, U. Vice Prez, Foreman, Me, Him, Meeting!! Smoothed over, No paper 
Problem is I dont really think I relish confrontation, yet when it rears its ugly head, instinct seems to take over.(Never let a silly thing like fear or common sense stand in your way.) 
