I know the dilemma of being self-employed. Once you get the bug... there just really is no going back. Unless you do contract work.
My take on this began a long time ago, when I came up with my 'happiness theory.' It is similar to a hierarchy of needs thing, with my own Corri twist.
It pretty much goes like this. Rather than an inverted triangle... you've got more of a circle type thing of basic needs. I spare the elongated description of said needs, and where it all falls, unless you want to know (I made a graph. ) I know, I know, shocking that a type 5 like me would graph such things out.
Once these basic needs are met, the stressors that send that ball spinning will largely depend upon what you decide to throw upon it (i.e., debt to income ratio, and where you decide to put your money. Some people are house poor, for example. But do you NEED the big house, or do you WANT the big house, kwis?)
What I personally see you facing... is what my shrink hounded on me, just a mere few days ago.
You are in Single Mom Mode.
This pre-empts all the animals in the zoo, the zoo keeper, and the rare books. Throw in your Type 7 female personality, and I can see where you'd come up with this list you've garnered.
Meaning. Get divorced FIRST. THEN come up with a list. Even though the former is a foregone conclusion... the actual conclusion, on paper... introduces... OTHER thinking. Right now... you are playing in a game you technically are not really in. And even though you are living that way, and feeling that way... there just isn't anything like seeing it on paper.
Nothing.
Nothing.
And though this GP fellow seems like a very cool guy for you... stand down. Don't rush. You have emotional waves that will come at you, regardless of whatever you are thinking... RIGHT NOW.
Be a friend. Be a friend who has sex, and is nice to his 12 y/o... maybe cook, eat and bake cookies, enjoy yourself. But... I'm sorry sweety, you just aren't DONE yet. No matter how much it feels like you may be... even if it LOOKS that way, FEELS that way, SMELLS that way.
And you aren't divorced yet. Or annulled, or whatever y'all do.
This has... influence in ways I can't describe to you, or point you to, or even convey to you.
The stress you have been under.... though you are 'out there,' etc., you were 'hitched' for a very long time. He's out in Colorado, with some female nail pounder, sending you sh!t ass letters, doing the emotional guilt trip on your kids. You are on the verge of being an empty-nester.
I realize... **I** am Patron Saint of Patience (giggle). But you CANNOT rush the grieving process... even if you feel like you are DONE (and I know you are)... you just cannot rush it. Believe me, if there were a shortcut, I would have found it by now and passed it on to you.
Your monkey is keeping you entertained and distracted as all this goes down. Good for your monkey. Thank God for your monkey.
When all is said and done, all is said and done. You will go through months of revising. And then you'll revise some more. You may go back to said (up top) original plan. You may.
But until that time... don't put anything on paper. Don't make any major moves. Don't sell the farm (unless you just get a great fcking deal). Don't clean out your closets. Don't make any major decisions. <--- HEAR ME? Seriously. Don't.
Do what you do, and be KIND to yourself. Make lists. Keep them. Put them away. Make other lists.
And I am TELLING YOU THIS from experience. Look, I know I am anal out the whazoo. I can tell you... I probably know more, right now, about... uhm... medical stuff... than most doctors know (cuz I've got something that no one can seem to get off their azz about and TELL ME...). I can budget better than any financial planner, I know more 'fix it guys,' found the best mechanics to watch over my car... know the state of every mechanical and non-mechanical device in and around my home... my roof, my chimney... my foundation... and by god, if you don't know more about it than me... well...
Not saying you do that. But if you aren't... then... you are still in that... 'shock' mode. Wait until your hot water heater goes out and see what that does to you. You may not recognize yourself.
Long way of saying, Mo. Stand down, honey. Give yourself a little time. If this guy is worth his salt, he won't be pinning you against the wall for any kind of answer. If he does... he's looking for a mom for his kid. (I've done that, too... so... talk to me, I can give you the signs).
I'm not saying this to scare you. I love your toddler who runs along the edge of the pool with a pair of sicssors. I've felt that. I also became the school marme who researches everything from potential structural mold spores to... well.
My shrink said to me... "look, when you get to Heaven, I want you to pound on the Pearly Gates and ask for a refund. You didn't ask for any of this. But until you get there... I want you to listen to me, now. Now. More than ever."
Enjoy yourself. Let this guy step up and take care of you. You have always been the one to 'take care.' I suck at it, honestly. I always have. But under the weight of SMM (Single Mom Mode), I can tell you... go slowly.
K?
Let the monkey have fun. Let the SWAN/cow bake cookies... let the lioness her head (she's very intuitive)... but believe it or not... your bunny is ruling the roost right now, and I think you should listen to her.
Be good to yourself, honey. I luv you, and I know you know it. I adore you. If I lived up in MEECHiGAN... you and I, I am sure, would be fast friends, trolling book stores to our hearts content.
Be good and true to YOU, first and foremost, right now. I don't know too many men, retired... who would content themselves with video games. What is engaging his MIND? What is engaging his SOUL? Why is he not out looking for it?
No Hill for a Swimmer... is of retirement age. That man does NOT sit idle. And though I could see him playing a video game or two, if he wanted... it just wouldn't engage him for most of the day, even if he were the primary care giver of his daughter.
See? You got a 50-something man playing video games... I'd say you've got a... uhm... issue.
But you can't see it... becuz... you are war weary.
) I know, I know, shocking that a type 5 like me would graph such things out.