I'm at work, so I have to teach these kids sometime
So. H moved in. He took over the second garage (we have a 2 car and then a single). Which was cool. I was going to suggest that anyway- and told him that when he did it. (just keep reading, you'll see).
He took out the TV in the Family room and replaced it with his. Then ran speaker wires all over the place.
Then he took out the TV I had bought for the master, took out my VCR/DVD dubber I had bought and put in his TV and speakers.
He has computer stuff in the dinning room and living room. His shoes are once again all over the place.
He has a starbucks bag for his reciepts. He empties his pockets and puts the stuff all over the dresser. ((Uh- try the trash))
He programmed the cable box to turn to CNBC everytime you turn it on. He programmed it to come on in the morning to CNBC. If he's watching TV in the family room it is so freakin loud I can hear it through my Ipod- so forget watching my shows. I get to watch about 2 hours of TV on Monday, Wed, and Fri because of my work schedule. That's how I relax while grading papers. Didn't happen last night- it was his shows.
He rearranged the second garage (his), and now I can't get to half the stuff I need to be able to get to. He gave away stuff for my classroom to Goodwill that I specifically said "don't give these, they are for my classroom".
When he took the garage for his, he said- it was his "man space" which I get. I said fine that's good, but I need my space too. Help me keep the master room clean and neat.
He has since taken over, changed, rearranged or cluttered every other room in the house. Where is my space????
I need to have organization and neatness. I can't function in clutter. My brain can't handle it. I can handle a list of 400 children, 2 jobs, things to do, and anything else people tell me. But when my house is a mess- I can't do anything that I'm supposed to. My brain can no longer organize (if that makes sense). I couldn't even sleep last night because my brain couldn't stop processing stuff.
Last night he pointed out the bag for his receipts and I nicely said that it would have to go somewhere else other than the table in the bedroom. and he said "why it's not doing anything". I said- except bothering me and he got huffy.
I have been looking into a doctorate program to become a principal. H has repeatedly told me I should do a second masters instead. His reasoning- less work, not a big pay difference, etc. I even got an info booklet in the mail. He keeps saying I'd have to do less work with the masters. But in reality what good is a second masters? Once I'm tired of being a principal, what the hell am I going to do with just a masters?
He's starting his control and the walls are closing in on me.
I have had headache for 24 hours- shoulder ache, back of the neck. A parent is a chiropracter and told me it's because I'm clentching my teeth and shoulders due to stress--- a tension headache.
In the span of 7 days he's has undone everything I have managed to rebuild in the last 3 years to maintain my happiness and reduce my stress.
And yet, I'm not supposed to complain. My requests are unreasonable to him. They always have been. I am not supposed to get upset over this. And yet, I have no desire to go home tonight. The fun loving happy me that was there 2 weeks ago- is gone.
How do I tell him?
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
I think how you approach this will make all the difference.
Maybe try something along the lines of we have been apart for x amount of time, and so its a big adjustment for us all, and one of the problems we had before was not taking the other persons needs into account, and so you are finding it difficult adjusting, and maybe we can work together to find better solutions as to where to put everything....something along those lines.
Just take deep breaths and try to relax!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
Sox, thats dead on.... your lifestyle has changed from way back when and you need to gingerly let him know that things are not the same. That the two of you will need to compromise on some things and find resolution so each of you are comfortable. You bend, he bends.....
OK so I get home last night after a stressful night at work (teenagers and their mothers)...
H has done laundry, and is folding it- all over the couch, and the TV is blaring. I go into the bedroom and close the door. I take out my iPod and put it on. Then I decide hey- I'm going to move the crap out of the living room. So I do and then I take a screen that we have that I don't use anymore and partition off the living room. I take my bottle of Mikes and my papers to grade, my Ipod and sit in there and grade. H comes in and asks if I ate dinner, I said na, not hungry and I had a roll. He replies "that's not healthy sox, you know that." I reply- I'm an adult and I'm not hungry. He asks if I want him to fix me something- I reply- thanks, but really, I"m not hungry. If I get hungry I'll get something." I almost added, I'm not a 2 year old- but I refrained. And I end with I have tons of grading to do.
He leaves the room and I continue to grade.
Then I shower and get into bed. I try to get on the computer but it's so sloooooooow. I run my spy checker and it has like 9 spyware things on it. I haven't had that many since H moved out- and yes he was on the computer trying to get the wireless to work. So i say- what did you do???? It's got keyloggers galore!! he says he didn't know and then he added that he didn't intentionally load anything on. Good 'cus I was actually thinking he'd load something to get passwords or track my internet. So I replied- jokingly that I do all my secret internet stuff at work anyway so it wouldn't have mattered.
Then we get into bed. We talk about our days (yes I avoid the talk). I mention about school and how my principal complimented me on my job and stuff. H then asks if I looked at the pay scale for masters' vs PhD. I reply I asked my boss. H reiterates that it's only 500 dollar difference between the 2 and a lot more work. I reply that my boss basically said the 2nd masters is a waste degree- it's worthless. The pay from the school district isn't the difference, it's the jobs outside the district you can get in addition that the PhD gives. H again says about the work. I again say- so after 10 years of being a principal what would I do if I was bored? Nothing with a masters I'd be stuck. With a PhD I could teach at the university or go into something else. H says it's a lot of work. I reply that the work difference is about the same as the pay difference- about 20 page difference in thesis.
cha-ching
my plan tonight is to thank him for folding the laundry- I should have done it last night, but I was pissed and didn't want it to come off that way. And then suggest that we find a better solution to where everything is and how the laundry is being done because the way it is now is not meeting my needs. In fact the way things are right now, I don't want to come home at night.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
I got 2 tickets to the college football game- I took D after work. We had a blast.
H took S to the air show Saturday. He stopped at work and invited me to go for drinks at the Marine Club (Nov 10th is the Marine Corps birthday) I declined and told him about the tickets. He said go. THen he volunteered to go home and get D and I warm clothes and drop them off on his way to the club. I accepted. He did, and I told him to have fun and if he drank to much we'd pick him up on our way home.
He told me all about the air show, I told him about the football game. He said I'd really like the air show because of the old WW2 planes. I said I'd go with D on Sunday.
Sunday- we all went to the air show. Had a blast. lots of stuff- good stuff. We walked hand in hand, talked, had a good time. I even got to go in to a B-17 bomber and the guy took down the barrier so my kids and I could sit in the bombedier seat for a while (My great uncle went down in WW2 over Czech. and was KIA)- it was very emotional.
we got home H went and got dinner.
Monday- no school we slept in. I went and got my hair done, H dropped D at the gym. I went to work that night. S and D both had a friend sleep over and my students for my last class (a 2 hour one) didn't come, so I got to go home early. YEAH!! H and I went to dinner and a movie. Again hand holding and arm in arm. In the movie I asked him if we could do date night more often, he said sure.
We're joking around and beginning to relax a bit. Like- H has been using my $10.50 bath and body works body wash (it's almost gone) He had no idea how much it costs. So I bought him some of his own. I told him- hey I bought you some shower soap today. He replie- oh thank heavens!!!!!! I was tired of the jasmine smell. We both laughed. I told him, Ya, I thought I should buy you some before you cost me a whole paycheck to at Bath and Body works. He said Huh? I replied that the soap was $10.50. His jaw hit the floor. We had a good laugh.
Something that could have caused a problem, didn't. We also talked about a new house. I added that I was thinking just because I knew there will come a day not so soon that we will both be crazed with each other since this house is small for the 4 of us. He agreed.
Baby steps.
It's all good.
we went to bed with ILYs.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
