S. went to C. approx 1 yr. ago. S. told me CHANGE or D.
My Faults: too candid,too honest,not enough compliments. Need to give more positive reinforcement.
My Problems: Deppressed over 2 Yrs. Unhappy in current career.See no light at the end of tunnel.(Must be a long one.)
S. fishing for compliments today, missed cue and replied Quality of food excellent, Just want increased frequency. S. said need to display more DECORUM. Looked it up "propriety, acceptable behavior for general populace.
Am I a psyco? Am I unacceptable to the general populace? WHO AM I ? WHAT IS REALLY WRONG WITH ME?
Had tears in my eyes all through supper, lucky we sit side by side and S. didn't notice. Can she be so blind she cant tell when she hurts me? Just typing this brings them back. Why is there so much pain? How do I endure?
Have been trying to kill myself with alcohol and smoking, just realized this recently,but how do you fix this without shaking up everything.
So Sad.
I Know I have always been faithful and do not want my M. to end (almost 20 Yrs.) I thought I was a good H./provider,protector etc. Sometimes everything seems so unfair.
Terribly confused and the water just wont turn off, so I'll come back another time.
p.s. Very limited free time and PC access, so dont think I am not grateful for any help, will reply when time allows.
Hi MB, sounds like you've hit a rough patch. Hurts to hear that we're maybe not the great S's we thought we were. Been there, heard that, cried over it a lot.
I'm fuzzy on the details, but I hope you're getting treated for the Depression (join the majority of us and our S's here).
And MB, a request for decorum hardly means you're psycho!! Take it from me, I'm a psych prof!
Perhaps try to tone down your internal reactions to these things. Pull a 180 and get through your next meal with perfect decorum, nothing but positive comments, kindness, listening, you can do that, right?
Honesty is good, but not when it's brutal or serves to hurt another. There are gentler ways to get your point across. Had you just stuck with the comment about the quality....but the jab about frequency just negated the compliment. And quite frankly, isn't likely to inspire more frequent great meals.
How might it have gone down if you'd been very complimentary throughout dinner (you can practise turning up the volume on such things), helped clean up, and then gave your W a hug from behind and said something like "If I could eat like this every day, I would die a happy man!" Make it playful instead of a criticism.
Just some rambling thoughts, bear in mind that it's nearly 4 a.m here!
Wasn't meant as a jab. Unfortunately I throw many verbal punches accidentally, It's become a part of me somehow. Almost second nature. Don't know where It comes from but there It is.
Thanks for the advice. Will try harder to make positive comments, without any follow through.
Going to set a goal not to have more than 2 drinks per day.(short term goal) Hopefully can return to when I only drank socially.(long term goal) Also need to deal with excessive smoking, but one goal at a time. Fear these goals are hard to achieve without jeopardizing my complimentary attitude, but still,I must press forward on my life.
Yesterday was better, told S. about my goals and she seemed very supportive. This should help, but I find when I get emotionally edgy, this supportiveness disappears. Oh well.
Feeling rather calm and relaxed compared to 2 days ago, Hope that feeling remains for a few days.
Going to wander around and see how others are now.
Why is there so much pain? 
) 
