S. went to C. approx 1 yr. ago. S. told me CHANGE or D.
My Faults: too candid,too honest,not enough compliments. Need to give more positive reinforcement.
My Problems: Deppressed over 2 Yrs. Unhappy in current career.See no light at the end of tunnel.(Must be a long one.)
S. fishing for compliments today, missed cue and replied Quality of food excellent, Just want increased frequency. S. said need to display more DECORUM. Looked it up "propriety, acceptable behavior for general populace.
Am I a psyco? Am I unacceptable to the general populace? WHO AM I ? WHAT IS REALLY WRONG WITH ME?
Had tears in my eyes all through supper, lucky we sit side by side and S. didn't notice. Can she be so blind she cant tell when she hurts me? Just typing this brings them back. Why is there so much pain? How do I endure?
Have been trying to kill myself with alcohol and smoking, just realized this recently,but how do you fix this without shaking up everything.
So Sad.
I Know I have always been faithful and do not want my M. to end (almost 20 Yrs.) I thought I was a good H./provider,protector etc. Sometimes everything seems so unfair.
Terribly confused and the water just wont turn off, so I'll come back another time.
p.s. Very limited free time and PC access, so dont think I am not grateful for any help, will reply when time allows.
Why is there so much pain? 
