Still trying - Not very well

[LoginName]

Hey, I'm going to throw in a few thoughts. If they pertain, great,and I hope they are useful. If they don't, oh well :-)

How could your H do the EA with old flame? Doesn't it make sense he would wish for a perfect, happy life? It's stupid and childish, but understandable in a way. And you're still in the same place you were after the first A. The OP still doesn't matter.

How can you deal with your pain? Will he ever help you with your pain? I think, maybe, the key is that it is your pain, and you need to figure out how to deal with it on your own. He can't really help you anyway. What could he possibly say or do to make up for what he did?

You feel helpless, hopeless, hurt? You can control your emotions, at least to an extent. Change your veiw point,change your emotions, change how you feel about all of this. I was told this by toughlover. I've seen it work in my sitch. It's d@mn hard, but do-able.

Here is how I do it, and I think everyone has their own way. I asked myself "what do I want, what do I really want"? Does feeling angry help me get that? Does feeling hurt? No? than stop. Am I doing this (whatever this is, standing for my M, not worrying about OP, going to MC, whatever) because I have chosen to do it? Yes? Then stop complaining, you chose it. I don't have to do this, I can do something else. Back to question 1, what do I want?

The last week in OCT, I almost asked for a D. I'd had enough. I wanted to move on. I took a long walk and thought about what I really want. Can I stand the pain? I decided (and it really doesnt' matter, IMHO, if I chose D or not) that it really didn't hurt so much, that I could wait awhile longer, that I was generally happy with my life (kids, job, myself!). I didnt' need to date. What was it really hurting me to wait? It's awfully hard, but for me, thinking like this eased the pain and made it possible to wait.

The next week, my W called and said she had found her love for me, she "felt" it again, and wanted to be with me. She said ILY, not ILY but, but just ILY. I'm glad I waited.

I've still got lots of work to do, and I'm still using the same questions to myself to get by.

Good luck Limbo. Feel the pain when you need to. Own your pain. It's part of this wonderful, mysterious trip we are on. It can't kill you, or stop you, unless you let it.

P.S. I finally got an I'm sorry from my W. It really didn't help much. Maybe over time. Maybe it doesn't matter. I told her our M was like New Orleans, it got hit by a hurricane. It's nobody's fault, it just happened. Now we have a choice to rebuild, on higher ground if possible,with a better foundation.