So much for piecing...

[Livin4ME]

thank you Cat.
I've been doing some thinking about all of this. When I found out about the OW, I left for a week. I didn't tell him I was leaving and I just left. He got scared and came home the night I left. He told me all kinds of stuff that night through texting. All kinds of stuff to get me to come home. I refused. He told me he ended it with the OW that day and was coming over that night to talk to me about coming home when he realized I was gone. Looking back now, I realize, I made him come home. And I made him do it too soon. He wasn't ready. And I knew this the whole time he was here. That's why I couldn't get over her is because I knew he still wanted to be with her. He thought she could do no wrong. She was perfect.
So he didn't come home to start new. He came home because he was scared for the first time of not having his cake and eating it too. I had his kids and he was scared.
He was just looking for an excuse to leave again and I gave it to him. I understand that now. I really do. I pushed him yet again, just in a different way.
I'm thinking of going away again. But this time it's different. I have no family and friends here where we live. Just his family and friends. And they've all been great through all this for me. But I need to be around my family. Especially during the holidays. He's told me he knows I'm going back to where I used to live. He knows when it's final, I'll be going there to live with my kids. I'm not making any rash decisions about it. I have appts with drs first and I want to go to my divorce seminar first. And I know I'll come back because this is my home right now. But I need to be with my family. All my stuff is here, so I'll have to come back and get it all later. I'll tell him when I'm leaving so he can say good bye to the kids. And I'll tell him where I'll be. But I can't give a time when I'll be back because I honestly don't know right now. I need my time and I need my family.
He'll probably stay at my house while I'm gone and I'm ok with that. He did it before when I went on vacations while we were seperated before.
I don't know why I'm posting all this, other than to just write it down and try to make sense of it. Hopefully, if anyone has any advice, they'll post it.
Thanks