I Was Almost A Walk-Away Wife (next thread)

[sandi2]

Dom, I have talked, I've complained, I've cried, joked, teased, bargined, I've done everything in everyway I know how to do to get him to talk to me. There isn't any point in this.....he is not going to talk to me wheather it is b/c he doesn't know what to say or wheather he just doesn't want to talk. I think it is part of both to tell you the truth. You assumed that I complained rather that talk to him.....well, as I said above, I've tried it all. I have been very sweet and patient and would sit what seem like an hour for him to answer a question I would ask and I would fianlly get up and move out of the room. I've gotten my feelings hurt, I've gotten mad, I've bit my tongue into, I have had every negative feeling in the world about the way he has done me.....so yes Dom, you could say that I am negative. I suppose you are going to blame me for that too!

Yes, Cemar, it is my love language and I have tried several times to explain that to my H. I have already told about the happiest night of my entire 41+ year M. It was the only time my H actually talked and told me some things that I was starved to hear and as a result I almost loved him to death when we went to bed. You would think he would have gotten the idea that that worked, wouldn't you? But, apparently he didn't b/c it never happened again. That is why I wonder about you men sometimes.....what on earth does it take for you to get it? We tell you and we draw pictures and we show you through action, but you still don't get it! I'm about fed up with it.

He has done not one thing to try to improve on anything in our M since he found out about the OM. When he saw that I was not going to continue to contact OM and that I was going to stay with him, he proceeded to take out his false teeth, pull everything off but his underware, lay down on the couch, pick up the romote control to the TV---and there he has been, just like that every night since. He tries to get in about half a day's work here and there and he goes to church. That's our life. Needless to say, he is not very attractive to me right now, so no, (before you ask) I don't cuddle and nibble on his ear and do all that stuff that you probably think I should be doing. I was about to leave him for another man.....you would think he would try a little bit harder to be more attractive to me and try to have a little more life about himself. And yes, I had asked him to stop smothering me like he had been doing when he was snooping and following me around the house, and being pretty mean, but I didn't want for him to lay down and practically stop breathing.

This was exactly the stuff he was doing before the OM came along, so you would think HE WOULD GET IT!!! I don't think it would take me but one time to learn not to take him for granted. Why wouldn't he be wanted to fill my love tank?

Please, don't start telling me all the things I should be doing to spice things up b/c I spent my years of service doing that and I think turn about is only fair. Oh, I know, you will throw the thing about he is afraid of being "rejected" in my face. Well, I'm pretty sick of that excuse. I didn't reject him near as many times as he rejected me.......just in different ways. He's probably never thought about all the ways he showed me rejection. But, of course, I'm sure you men only count one way as being true "rejection".

I guess in his own way he probably thinks he has made an effort to work at our R since the EA happened, but I can't see much evidence. About the only real outward show of any evidence was when he sent me those flowers when I told him I was so depressed. But, when I got home that evening he acted like the same old ho-hum. And, by then, the flowers had my allergies so messed up that I was feeling miserable. If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny.

I guess I feel if it had been the other way around and my H had had the EA that I would be trying to make him happy or at the least working to improve myself and make myself more attractive to him. I would try to be a more delightful and fun person to live with. Why would he not feel that way toward me? The same reason he was never the one to strive to add "spice of life" to anything else?

Words are my language of love, but there are other things that are important to the MR.....like paying bills, keeping groceries in the house, paying taxes on time, keeping the yard looking like some people actually live at that residence instead of mistaking it for the city dump, and stop doing that one partiuclar thing that your S has asked you very sincerely not to do. Listen, my mother loves her SIL.....she always has. However, I have asked her to help me by telling me what she would do if it were here H that was doing some of the particular things he does.........like never allowing me to throw a piece of paper away.....and she honestly doesn't know. She would just say that she wouldn't put up with it. Well, tell me how......what to do....but, she doesn't know. I realize that some of these things may not sound important......like having an affair or something like that......but it is like sandpaper that rubs away the skin down to the raw nerves and after all these years, I can tell you that there isn't much left to sustain the irratation. He probably isn't going to change after all these years.....not b/c he can't but simply b/c he doesn't want to change! So, I guess I have some thinking to do about what I need to do.