First, Retrovaille: It was a good experience although not what I was hoping for. Was a bit too religious and a bit too vague. W and I are rule/solution oriented people and this was a little fuzzy. We're still working the program but I think we're both a little disappointed. The main point is that not much changed in the M. She's still not wearing her wedding ring, she's not much more commited, and she still talks about our lives like they don't intersect except on the weekends when she wants sex. Saw good results for other couples though so I can see the value.
Second, wife is getting the last of her things out of the house tomorrow so the move will be complete. She starts her job in DC on the 13th. That was hard, walking through the house with her and discussing what to tell the movers to take and what I would take. Splitting it up like that really made it feel like a D.
Speaking of D, our hearing is two weeks away and no word from her yet that she wants to cancel the hearing. I think she's still operating under the idea that we need to D to "start over", whatever that means. I told her if she persues the D, I will have to walk away because I'm not going to compete with other men for someone whom I still consider my W. She says I'm putting that on us and it's my fault if we fall apart as a result. Am I crazy? I just don't think I can keep wanting her after all the hurt AND after having to go through the D process, especially after things have been going so well recently. I don't think I could ever trust my feelings about her again.
Yesterday, W found out that she only has to be in her job for a year before she's elligible to move to TX to be with me. I asked if that was a good thing and her response was "I guess". What if I like the job? What if I can't find something I like in TX? It's too early to even think about that. That's what she told me. It's still too early to think the OPTION is a good thing but it's not too early to borrow my car for the week because she had a lot of driving to do and mine gets better mileage. And I'm sick of coming in second to her job! She used to give me so much crap for putting in extra hours and now she's basing decisions on the future of our marriage on how much she likes her work. Unreal.
Finally, I was thinking about it last night and she is just like her horse in one regard. You can't tie her horse to anything fixed or she freaks out and will break whatever she has to, including herself, in order to get away from it. She's fine being tethered to something as long as she knows she's not tied to it, that she could pull away from it if she wanted. Like, you can't tie her to a post because she'll freak but if you drape the reins over the post, she won't move. She'll act like shes tied to it as long as she knows she's not. W does the same stuff. As soon as she feels like she's getting tied down, she freaks out and tries to break free, usually trampling me in the process. But, she'll do all the things that you would normally associate with being tied down (like making vacation plans, saying ILY, borrowing my car) as long as I don't actually tie her down. It's infuriating.
Me: 32 in OH Wife: 29 in MD Married: 4 years No kids Seperated 14 months
