Dealing with knowing and not saying anything

[Daz_Con]

Jar,
Not sure I am interested in knowing what is going on in her head, what stage she is in, just seems like pain for me, I know what she is doing is wrong no matter how you slice it, I find myself detached, buy I still love her, I saw her this AM to drop off S3 winter coat, and I know it wasnt the right thing to do, but I initiated a kiss this morning, she dosent pull away, and they are nice soft kisses, not just pecks, she dosent start them, but no pulling back. I also noticed a slip yesterday AM when she called to speak with S3, I ended the call and told her I had to go, she says "ok, love you guys"!!. Freidan slip I know, but man is she messed up in the head, she has to work out her issues and come back a healthy person. I dont want her like she is. She will have to bring the honesty back to our R if she ever wants to come back, I will not live with that deceiving attitude. I cant stand dishonest people, never have liked them. I am moving on with my life, for me. I can not be a strong person wallowing in this misery. I am still hopeful but have learned that we are powerless of others, I must do for me!!

I have discouraged the kids from speaking to her about it, I told them we cant control what people do, saying something wont help, we have to accept what is happening and move on, I was not sure what to say at first, but after not reacting quickly (48 hour rule) and giving it some time, what does it matter? She has made this choice with the knowledge that she will hurt everyone she is close to with it, she is self centered at the moment, she is in some fog, it will hit her eventually, no matter what she does or what happens with our M. For now I am OK, just not a doormat, my life is on my terms now, not about getting her back, if that happens it will be new, not fixing the old. I have held my head high for my kids, I am a loving loyal person, I dont do things like this, life is too short for that. I have lost too many to death to accept desertion of anyone we have shared so much with in our lives. I will always love her, no matter what, hate is not someplace I choose to go, too dark for me, it does not bring out the best in me.

Northsin,
Thank you sooo much for sharing, I made me feel so much better knowing someone is going through the exact sitch as me. I have to bite my tongue allot too, I cursed her out in my car by myself for a good 20 minutes yesterday, good to get it out, even if no one else can hear me. I do have to accept that it isnt my fault, I have accepted so much of the guilt from our separation, thank you for reminding me of that, I am the better person in this, when the prob hit I did not run, I was here to work through, to learn. I will not show that WAW R type to my children, I am a strong individual, and dont NEED anyone to make me whole, I would like to share my life, but not a requirement for life, just food and shelter, we need love but that can come from friendship, children, pets, lots of places, does not have to be a mate. I have decided that if there is another, unconditional love is necessary, I will not deal with WAW spouse again, she will have to prove herself to be in my life. My kids deserve a good example of R's I refuse to stooping into her sad life to confront her, she will know when she sees me that I still love her, I will not stop showing that, I am always happy, but have stopped answering calls, coming over to bring a coat when she wanted, I did it when I had time the next AM. I am a cool cucumber. I accept too that there is no breaking them up either, she will have to travel that road alone. I hope it does not end in disaster for her, but I feel it will end. it isnt her boss only that is OM, he is the owner of her company, pretty large like 50 employees, and she will have the image of sleeping her way to the top if this gets out, considering she got a new office, promotion, and blackberry etc coincidentally timed with A, and the guilt of accepting 30K in gifts from him. Side point, he is 15 to 20 years older then her, ugly, short, bug eyed, and a goof ball, not just saying that b/c of A, he really is a dork, in a MLC himself I think. I am 36 look like 28 a dynamic ergonomics engineer at nissan with my career growing faster than I can handle, (I am pretty cute too I think) why she would give that up for someone she has no family, no history, or anything else is beyond me. He also has a girlfriend, with her daughter that works at the same place, so a tangled web at best. So leave people to there mess I guess, I am outie!!