We are done in so many ways...but I am still here.

[NoDirection]

We have been married just over 3 years. She is not aware I know but she is going to know soon. I do not understand how she can live in this lie and think everything is okay. The women that lives in my house now, I do not want to be with. The women I married, I still want to be with.

We are at the same spot. Especially if she moves forward, I will too and the more I know about her and her habits, the less I really want to be with her...

[JoieDeVivre]

Hi,
Sorry you're here ...

She is deep in the fog of the A. It's an addiction. WAS do anything and everything they can or have to do to get their fix: right or wrong. Once she finds out she that you know, there will be a huge dent in the mirage, but that won't cure her addiction. She may cling to it for with all her might. Right now the OM is her knight in shining armor. Even after the A is revealed, she will cling to that. Be prepared. That's where DB will be your true ally.

Another good book to read is Surviving An Affair by Harley and Chalmers. It gives you a good perspective of what each spouse goes through.

Happy Birthday BTW -- although it probably seemed anything but happy.

[NoDirection]

My birthday was bittersweet. It was wierd too that she gave me this big hug and kiss. I found another set of incriminating text messages that reinforce the PA.

I confronted her and now she is going to her friends with our S. Parts of me want to keep this going, I still do love her and want to stay a family for our son. I do not know if I can stay knowing what I know now.

I am also very tired of being her whipping post. She constantly tells me that she does not love me, she is not attracted to me, I am the reason for all of her problems, I am boring, and she does not have fun when she is with me. I know I did a lot to get us to the point we are at now. What she has done since then is entirely her choosing...

[Yoyowife]

ND,
Happy belated B-day. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. She has to be one of the cruelest examples I've seen on here. I wish there was someway you could get her out of the house, she needs to see that the grass is not always greener.

I think you need to read Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson.

[JoieDeVivre]

ND,
You are going through a severe emotional impact. Right now, it's understandable that part of you wants to keep it going, but the other part doesn't know if you can. We've all gone through it. You've been betrayed by the one person you're supposed to trust the most in your life. Right now I know your anxiety is out of control.

The best decision you can make right now is to not make any decisions. Give it some time. See how she responds to the fact that you know now about the PA. It may be a good thing that she went to a friends house -- it gives you both time to calm down and think.

Hopefully she'll be able to talk to you more constructively now that you know -- and not use you as a whipping post. Those are hateful words. Just remember we all say things we don't mean in anger and anxiety.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[NoDirection]

It has been extremely difficult. The toughest part is I have not been able to spend time with my S. That has been one of the things that has kept me going in all of this. That is gone now too, at least for the moment.

I have made mention that we either need to start working on the R or move toward D. I am not going to keep supporting her financially if she is going to go out and have A with OM. She needs a wake up call and I know the magnitude of D is something after people rarely reconcile but for me personally, I need to be free...

[NoDirection]

I am not pushing D on her because I do not want it. I know I am the one that needs to change but the question keeps arising that maybe she is not the one I need to be with. many of her traits have come to the surface that I really do not find attractive. It may be the fact that this is not the person I fell in love with but even through my changes, will she change?

For my son, at this moment, I am trying to salvage this. I honestly do not think there is anything to salvage but I do not want to make the mistakes I made here with whoever may enter my life in the future...

[LL44]

For my son, at this moment, I am trying to salvage this

I hear ya. At this point, I am here for the kids. I want to be able to say I did everything *I* could to keep the family together. I don't want to make any rash decisions that could effect them in a bad way.

I, too, look at H and think "What did I love about him?". But you are right, the things that have happened has changed all of us, and maybe, just maybe, things can get better.

[NoDirection]

There has been some small signs of improvement. Then I will find other things of her infidelity. I do not know for sure that there is a PA but everything all but guarantees a EA.

I am weighing my options with my son's welfare at the forefront. I am just getting to a point that I do not see the point of having our son exposed to the separation. We live as if we are seperated already. I feel that since I was the one who met with a marraige counselor, I am the one meeting with a psychologist, and I am the one who has put up with her abuse that I really have tried to do everything I can. I have not given up hope but it really does look bleak...

[NoDirection]

It has been a weird weekend. She goes out Friday night with a friend to a hockey game. Again no invitation to me to join them but I have come to expect that now. Again there is some excuse to why she can not come home and has to go spend the night with her "friends" down in Newport.

What was weird was that before she left she kised me goodbye and told me she loves me??? We have texted over the weekend and talked minimally but again have gotten a few more ILY's at the end of the texts. I have tried to show unconditional love to her and show her that the safe haven she is looking for is right in front of her but I am afraid that she is doing this to keep me around so she can go off and pull her shenanigans in the future.

She has another weekend away planned in a few weeks. Again I believe I am not invited and just the simple fact that she has not been home during a weekend for at least three weekends, when she claims to be in the relationship solely for our son, is really getting old.

I also have more info incinuating that she is having an EA/PA. I went into her email and pulled it out. I want to confront her on this as well but knowing that she will go nuts over the fact that "I snooped in her things." The signals push toward her trying to get things back together but I am very leery of this...