Still trying - Not very well

[limbo]

Thanks cat

I just am plain and simple not happy, and I wonder if I can truly ever be in this marriage again.
Maybe this is my problem, maybe this is just why I can't be happy with what I have, because what I have just isn't enough.
All the pain and hurt had just taken its toll, and its just to hard to get past that.
This last thing with my H has just hurt my soul, there is no other way that I can say it...why is this different then before, because of the depth of emotion he spewed, and I saw it...it just hurt me to my core.
How can someone who says that they love me, do that...I would never do that.
And I think that I just have been damaged to much...and with my H I can't repair it. My drive to do so just seems to be going, and just a feeling of I can't do it.
I am tired of pretending that none of this happened, that I am fine, and that I don't hurt, because of worrying what it will do to him.
Of allowing him to not to have to be accountable, because of fear it will drive him away.
I am tired of it being him all the time, why can't he worry about me for a change, of our kids.
He is an adult man for godness sakes! its about time he started to act like one!