Things are going great between us. Strangely great. He is loving, sweet, affectionate, and seems sincere. He sends me sweet text messages and is around alot.
Last night he had his girls unexpectedly. He was going to stay with me at my house but then he had his girls. He asked me to stay at his house with him. It was awesome. I guess he must not be hiding me or the status of our relationship from ow as he wouldn't be having me spend the night at his house. OW has to drive right by in the morning on her way to school. I am sure she saw my car there this morning. If he had something to hide he would want to stay out of public eye. Makes me feel good.
I hope it keeps up. I am not putting my eggs in one basket yet. Time will tell.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Today was exh's daughters Halloween parade for her school, which OW is a teacher at. I knew we would see her as she and her class were in the parade. I was standing there with exdh and I saw her coming....guess what she was dressed as?........a witch!!!!!! I had to laugh. It was a perfect costume for her.
She walked by and noticed us. Thankfully I had my sunglasses on and she looked at us and looked away. For a milisecond I did feel sorry for her as she looked kinda sad. That feeling went away when I remembered how she didn't care about my or anyone else's feelings when she was pursuing my exdh.
Exdh left tonight on a 10 day hunting trip. I am sorta looking forward to some quiet time. Have been rather stressed.
He sent me a text this morning:
'I am so happy with us and love you more every day.'
He seems to be doing well. Hope it continues.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Does the trust ever come back? I know it hasn't been long since the OW and the secret conversations, but exh is making huge progress. As far as I know he is doing what he needs to be doing. But I find myself not believing him. Still wanting to check up on him and such.
After being hurt so bad and lied to for so long do you ever really feel comfortable again? I cannot imagine living this way with all of the fear and anxiety I have.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
[/quote]After being hurt so bad and lied to for so long do you ever really feel comfortable again? I cannot imagine living this way with all of the fear and anxiety I have.[quote]
SO2,
It is going to take a while for that to happen but, it is also up to you as long as H proves he is trust worthy. You need to work on being able to trust and forgive and it might be something you might be able to work thru with the help of your counselor.
You need to remember that you have been badly hurt for a while now and the feelings of trust do not come back over night. Give your self time and work on you and it will happen naturally.
Im'e glad to see things going well.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
The best way to really put the past behind you and start fresh is to go to a Retrouvaille weekend. There you and your husband will learn new ways to communicate and listen to the other person. It clears out the debris from the past and sets you on a new course in the marriage -- one where you have the tools to deal with problems when they arise. Go to http://www.helpourmarriage.com to see where and when the upcoming weekends are. They only have about 4/year in any place, so do it as soon as possible.
Uggh....Does anyone have friends/family that just want to keep believing bad things about your husband or wife? All of my friends and family think that exh is not going to change and is skeptical of everything he does.
For example, I have been emailing a long distance friend that has really been there for me during my breakup with exh. Well, now that I have been pregnant and trying to work on this with him this friend has been the tower of negativity. When I first found out I was pregnant this friend was telling me that I can raise this baby on my own and don't even need exh. Now the latest email I was telling him that exh has been really great and how hard he seems to be trying.
This was his response:
Then there is xxxx. He's tragically flawed... destined to hurt you forever because he doesn't love himself. He needs stroking too... for now he'll live on the stroking of OW wanting him and him getting to play the indifferent one. Eventually OW will move on and xxxx will feel 'not so special' anymore and he'll go looking for more stroking (or alcohol).
You probably never will be able to trust him. Deep down you KNOW who xxxx is... you love him anyway. You can't let him go; he's an addiction... an addiction to pain, to struggle, to believing people who love you hurt you. Do you think?
I know parts of this may be true, but its always so negative. When I tell this friend how happy exh seems and how much progress we have made, he always comes back with something negative.
Is it me being too sensitive?
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Well, exdh has been gone for a week on his trip and is now on his way home. Things before he left were great and he has been calling nightly, ILY's, etc. I can't complain.
Now that he is on his way home I am feeling huge anxiety. What will things be like then? Am I going to go back to being snoopy and wondering what is going on? Am I going to wonder if he is still talking to OW? It was almost like it was more relaxing for me when he was gone. When he called this morning and told me he was on his way I was a bit disappointed feeling. Sure, I want to see him but I don't want to worry anymore. I hope he still acts and feels the same when he gets back and doesn't go back to the alien.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
He should be back in a few hours. I have spent the entire day with my thinking back where I am constantly suspicious of him and don't believe him. Why can't I go with the good things he has said and done rather than look at all the crappy things?
I want him to be the same man that he was when he left a week ago. He was back to the husband I married. I am worried sick he will come back the alien again.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Only you can change those thoughts. You need to think positive thoughts. It's understandable that you would feel this way givin what has happened and those feelings don't go away overnite but you need to work on them.
Right now he is acting better so go with it unless he shows you other wise.
Have there been anymore calls to OW? If so are they less frequent?
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
