The kiddos and I met H for dinner at a restaurant last night. It was...an adventure. D6 does pretty well in public now, and S3 isn't too bad as long as he sits on my lap. Mexican food with a kid on your lap is, shall we say, an adventure in keeping a steady hand? D1 was cute until she got bored with her chips and salsa, and then she became a handful.
H was pretty short tempered with them all (even though for most of the dinner, all three kids crammed themselves on my side of the booth). I actually felt fine--it was inconvenient, but they're little, and we don't get to go out all together very often. My dismay was more with H and his negative comments towards the kids.
I'm not going to dwell on it, but it was just an illustration for me of some the things that disappoint me. He loves us, but is patient only as long as we're not an inconvenience to him. He is not very involved in their lives--lately they see him for only a few minutes in the morning, because he doesn't come home until they are asleep at night. His mechanical projects are more important. He does not appear to share my feelings about the importance of teaching them values by word and example.
Neither of us are perfect. (Though I want to be!) I get short tempered with the kids every day--generally reach my limit around late afternoon. I'm trying to do better. I think my disappointment lies in the fact that sometimes I think I made a poor choice in spouses...I was young and dumb and just assumed he would be my equal when it came to building a life together, because we come from the same background and were so compatible. Guess I was wrong!
I've learned enough to know that no one is perfect, every marriage has challenges, and he has potential to be everything I want and need. He just has to want that too...which is way beyond my control. Yuk. End of complaining.
