Everybody's Caught in a Spin...

[Daybreak]

I had a chance to chat with my IC yesterday for a few minutes and updated him on what W had sent by e-mail to me. I let him know that I was not going to put any impediments in the way of W going through with this "in-house" separation idea. IC and I agreed that of all the options available, W's choice was the one that would be the most confusing for the kids to deal with - that their attitude will likely be having to walk on egg shells most of the time. I pointed out to IC that based on everything that I know about W, she has never truly lived alone before - she always had a shared living options in her prior two separations/divorces and that it appears living apart really unsettles her.

I also told IC that I had an initial consult with an attorney scheduled for next week since W is much more familiar with this path than I am. IC thought it was an excellent idea and that I am the only one now who can guarantee that I will look out for my best interests and those of our kids (W will have to show by deeds/actions/behaviour that her commitment is equal to mine).

I also decided to participate in this "initial discussion" that W has planned with the kids. IC was interested in knowing how I would respond to the inevitable question "Are the two of you going to divorce?" I told IC that I would tell the kids "I don't know how this is going to turn out but that your mom and I will always love the two of you."

Before I hung up, IC said that his sense was that I was doing all of the right things. On my way to work this morning, I recalled that a long time ago I had the innate sense to do the right thing regardless of the situation. It's nice to know that someone believes that I am getting that back.

I still plan on not giving W an official response until after my regular appointment with IC. I hope I have the strength and wisdom to proceed down this path with diginity, maintaining respect for W, unconditional love for all of us and to come out of all of this a better person than I was over six years ago. I really wish W would move out completely so that I would have an easier time with maintaining loving detachment and letting go...