I had the affair and now my marriage appears Over

[saffie]

The OW's ex decided he didn't like me anymore and called my W and told her I had seen her. That was it.

Well surely that can't have come as a suprise. Why would he like you? I am just amazed he didn't do it sooner.

During the time after W went home I wrote her every day about my love for her, sent her flowers, called her everywhere I went from phones there. I did not hear from the OW for several weeks and we met in Chicago while I was there on business. Then I honored a commitment I made over the summer and saw her the following weekend. That is what the angry ex called and told her, unbeknown to me. What I did not do was honor my vows.

What you did was nullify all the actions and words you had had with your wife in the intervening period. That was so stupid to do. After breaking it off with OW you had no committments to her any more EVEN if you had made them in the past. Now it will take so much longer to get your wife to beleive anything you say or do. From her point of view I would think words and flowers come cheap.

Be grateful that she will be there for T-giving. It's a start to build on. If there was really nothing there why would she bother having that contact

Lousy, I know you are trying hard and that is great but you must realise that you have promised your wife things in the past and not followed through your words with actions - this will take a while. I truly hope she can see that you are genuine this time and will open up. Even if you get back together she needs to be willing to work on you creating an affectionate marriage between you so you don't feel the need to look elsewhere again for that gap to be filled.

I wish you well my friend.

Saffie