Quote: She said she is having a hard time and was having a bad day. I have to support her and not give her the answers those she needs to find on her own.
kevin, I know this time is hard and you may not like what I have to say but I've found it to be true.
not every day is going to be a good one.
not every feeling w has is about you, the r, or even om for that matter.
w has to find the answers in her own time in her own way just like you did
time and patience is what it takes a lot of.
there will be days when you are up and she is down...there will be days when she is up and you are down...key is to try your best to not let her down days bring you down too.
I fully believe in what you say. Got to work harder on that not getting down.
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
W asked me the other day to act as if for a while because she needed time to fix herself before she could work on M. I will act as if because I need to, to be able to support her. i am not talking about the R. I am trying to have a Good Pma. I made dinner last night and we sat together on the sofa and ate dinner. Before she decided she wanted to work on R. She would always sit on the opposite sofa from me. I see the little signs that she is trying. I am just impatient. I seem to want to much too son. I have got to work on that. She stopped wearing her wedding ring but she still kisses me goodbye in the morning. Thats something that she wouldnt have done before. I have to keep my eyes open for the little signs. I know she is trying as best as she can right now. I just have to give her time. Time. Time........
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
Kevin - I know it's tough on you as it is on me, but you are right. You are on her schedule and there can be no rushing it if your R is to become better. It is very hard to be patient but that is what you need to do for the moment. She is making baby steps towards you - and that is always a good thing.
I know how you feel about wanting more,things are better right now than in months but I am still impatient. My XW and I are spending time together and I try not to push but I know I do,hell I am tired of her not being around. maybe we can use each other as battering rams when we start getting antsy.At least she is answering and asking you to hang in there.
I am in a similar situation. My H came back, and we are considering reconciling. As for doubts, I went to a counselor last Monday who explained it all to me, and I would be happy to share her words of wisdom with you. It's on my thread, under Midlife Crisis-- Runaway H Calling Left Behind Spouse -- Hope? and then look at last page. Sorry I don't know how to do the link thing. But her advice was profound, I thought.
Quick recap: Three main doubts, Sincerity, Ability (to change), Durability (will change last). How to resolve doubts: Time and consistent behavior. The more that trust and hope was violated, the longer it will take for feelings to return. Six months to two years.
Well W went out with the girls tonight. I support girls night out. But I just got a text that she's too drunk to drive gonna sleep at friends house. I am really upset. Today has not been a good day. W told me today that we needed to separate and that me moving to keep my job would be our separation because she isnt moving with me. just a week ago she wanted to save our marriage and was willing to move with me. Now she says that we need to separate because she cant get the time she needs living together. I am so bewildered and confused. I feel like she just told me she wanted to work on things so I wouldnt kick her out, so she wouldnt have to be out on her own. Once things settled down she is going back to her old ways again. She talks to the OM all the time. She checked her email at least 10 times today to see if he wrote her. I love her but at this moment I would sign the d papaers just so this all would be over, but it wouldnt we have a child together and we will be in each others lives forever. If it wasnt for my son, I would just give up on everything. I grew up in a divorced home and I dont want him too. I never had a male role model in my home for me to look up to. Just a worthles father who if his schedule wasnt too busy I might get to see once a month. I know that if I move to save my job and my W doesnt commit to saving our M, I will never get to see my son. I will be living 800 miles away. I love my family more than anything in this world but If I cant have them I dont know what I will do. My job and my work schedule change constantly so I would never be able to keep my son, so I will always be at the mercy of W to throw me a bone once a year to see my son. I want to save my M, I have worked so hard over the last 5 months and thought that I had made it. I thought that we were going to be ok, but now I am ready to give up. I cant allow W to break my heart anymore by her actions. Not comming home tonight just makes me wonder where she is. I dont know. She wouldnt even give me a number to call in case the kids got hurt. She has 3 kids from her first marriage. I think I am going dark. No more loving acts of kindness. No more backrubs, No more rubbing her head to go to sleep. No more complimenting her on how good she looks. Nothing. Time to divide up the furniture. I am moving in about a month. I need help I think I am about to give up completely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
W came home this morning about 5 am meaning she had to leave her friends around 4. She said she came home because she kept dreaming of comming home and kept waking up. Had trouble sleeping because of the dreams. Maybe her suconscience is screaming at her. Dont know if she was at girlfriends or actuallt at OM......This is really bothering me at the moment because I cant trust her or believe anything she tells me. She has to earn my trust back by doing the right things. I cant just give it to her unconditionally right now.
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
havent had any contact with W since I left for work this morning. She sent me a text to call her just a litle while ago. I caled her and she is in a good mood. She asked me about work and even sent me an email. hasnt done that in a long time. I know I need to step back and let her work on her problems before she wil be able to commit to the R. But man is it hard with so much up in the air right now.
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
Hi Kevin, I'm sorry you have to discover how tough this is, but hang in there and you can pull through this. Your W has taken a step closer to you or more like she is still sitting on the fence but she leaning to your side. But still doesn't have her balance and therefore is going to continue to waver. Remember what Michelle says about believing none of what they say now.
Keep going with the "game plan" of doing what has brought you this far. Always keep an eye open for more oppurtunities to do what can bring you closer together. Anything can still happen in a month. Many times, my sitch included, the sitch seems to get its darkest just before WAS turns around decisively. You may be entering such a point.
