Thank you thank you. My mom called me tonight and my best friend from Calif. and sweet Jeanette. I am loved. That helps - really it is everything.
Also my h called this afternoon. He is still nice. He says his only regret is that we did not wrap this up a year ago. Well maybe he is not all that nice. I let him know once again that I think this is not the right thing to do...... well he said I will probably always think that if I still am saying it three yrs later. We talked about being friends..... I have been shut out so long, so often that I told him I cannot initiate anything on this score, but that I could respond and would wait till he was ready. The ball is in his court. He seems to think that now that this part is done, that maybe we can be friends.... but I will believe it when I see it. We are very friendly when we talk, and it is fairly easy between us. We can discuss his job, my job, the kids, the house. But that is only two people trying to be amicable.
I still cannot believe it has come to this. But it is reality. I will be glad to be beyond it. It sure feels like a step backwards to be immersed in the sadness of the sitch again right now, when I was hitting a place of much better equilibrium. Intellectually, I know it will be easier to get back to feeling okay, but now ... I will just try to get some sleep. (However, my darling Thai daughter in law has been cooking her lunch for tomorrow, and we are all coughing from the chili pepper that is in the air!) :-)
