The arrangements for Thanksgiving are still not set. I have not yet determined what I will do. If we can agree to giving W Thanksgiving in return for me getting Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning, I might be more inclined. It would be more than fair since Friday, Nov 23 is S2's birthday too -- he turn's 3.
But I just know W would renege on that deal, even if she initially agrees to it, rationalizing the importance of our S's being in "Mommy's" warm and cozy house (my house)-- instead of Daddy's apartment -- for such an important holiday.
I think I forgot to mention that on Monday W has since added another twist to this tale. Now she also wants me to give up the preceding Saturday as well -- so her cousin and her family can see our S's as they're passing through town that day (Nov.17). (This is W's cousin whose daughter has NVLD.) While I truly think it's important that my S's get to see their extended family, and I don't want to seem like I am impeding their opportunities to do so, I am feeling this is going too far. Now, not only would I not get to spend my two extra day's off with my kids during the holiday, but now W is suggesting that I cut my measly two weekend days in half on the weekend before. WTF?!!! Again, I said nothing for or against, but in my mind what she is asking is just not right.
To my face W has been stressing how important I am to my S's lives, how she wants me to continue to be their father even though "we can never live together again as husband and wife." But her actions say something entirely different -- she has so little disregard for my role in their lives that she puts me so far down in the priorities of their needs.
I related all of this to my support group on Monday -- they feel I should seek out a L and get a custody agreement set in writing. I've now had 48 hours to consider all of this. If W pushes so much as a hair's breadth further on this, I am going to the L and getting my own version of a separation agreement (SA) drawn up, one far more equitable than the ones she's tried to foist on me so far.
I really didn't want to have to go this far so soon, but W seems to be forcing us down this road. She shows hardly any respect or consideration for me, even when it would be in our S's best interests, so maybe a little tough love will shake her up some. Or at least get her to back off.
I can't make up my mind. As an alternative, I had inquired with my church in going with them to Mississippi on a Katrina Mission trip (to help the victims down on the Gulf Coast). If I can't be with my family on Thanksgiving, then I figure I could at least help someone far less fortunate than myself have a better holiday. But I spoke to the organizer and unfortunately the schedule for this trip just doesn't work out for me to be able to go -- they leave on Tuesday the 20th and don't get back until late Sunday the 25th. I really don't want to miss S2's birthday altogether.
Instead, there are other opportunities with our church in which I can serve locally, so I'll look into those. If it works out, then maybe it won't be so bad for me, but I still worry about my S's. Should I insist on spending the time with my S's? I don't want to back down, or be seen as backing down, quite so easily. Does anyone have any thoughts on these sorts of matters?
