My wife wanted to date other people so when I decided to move on and date someone she got really jealous and realized that she still loved me. She wants to work on our R, but she is worried because she still has doubts. Where do we go from here? How do we end the doubts? Is it time that makes the doubts go away? I am still using the principles that I learned from Dr. We havent fought since the night she told me she loved me. I know it will take time. I have the time to give her. I know she still has to work out her own issues. I am helping her as best I can by being supportive of her, and being there for her to talk to. Now that I have my wife back I dont want to loose her again. But how do I keep the positives going so that the doubts go away. How do we rekindle our love and passion?
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
I would suggest the KLA tape series for you right now on top of the DR/DB books. Continue your DB'ing efforts! Listen to her and validate her. Use "I feel" statements when R discussions occur.
Quoting kevinlost: But how do I keep the positives going so that the doubts go away. How do we rekindle our love and passion?
Keeping the positives going is a matter of when you find the 180's that work, do more of them. Only by continuing to make the changes consistant over time, so they become second nature, will those doubts disappear. So it will take plenty of time. Its the only way. A good way of keeping the positive going is asking yourself each morning, "What can I do today to make it a better day than yesterday?"
Same goes for the second part of your question. Try to bring back more of the upbeat, fun, light-hearted moments spent together. "Continue to ask yourself, is what I'm doing going to bring us closer or push her further away?" Concentrate more on maintaining an attitude of being a friend, even a date, rather than a spouse.
There will still be times where she will need some space. Watch for the signs and back off when needed and keep the focus on working on yourself and what you enjoy.
We are going out on dates with each other at least once a week, sometimes twice. Went out to dinner last night and Tomorrow night we are going to a Country bar. We have talked more in the last few nights of going out than we have in years. We dont have to move for a while so that is a plus and a negative. we both think that moving will do our R some good. Starting over and all. But we have to get the house in order before we can sell it and move. Proposed moving date is June to September instead of April. We are buying the Rossberg's Divorce Proof your Marriage and the workbook that goes along with it. We are going to work on these together. We are also starting a Diet together for the whole family. We all need to start eating healthier. I will be in training the month of April so I will be working days with weekends off, I know that will help a lot because she says there are temptations when I am not there for her. The internet is a highly addictive drug.
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
W is confused and is torn between me and the om. I dont know what to do. She says she wants that in love feeling. So do I but it takes time to rekindle that again.
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
Quote: So do I but it takes time to rekindle that again.
it takes time is exactly right...
my h for a while was 50-50...part of him wanted to be home and part of him wanted to be...well I wont go there!! last night h threw his second cell phone (one that I've accused him in the past of keeping to call ow as the calls can be erased unlike the usual one he uses) right out the window of our moving vehichle with no promt or question from me...actually I stopped mentioning that phone over a month ago...
thing is it takes time and patience...
focus on the possitives...
keep doing what works...
learn what her wants and needs are and try to accomodate...
Time..patience..space..I have learned all those things..but h and I are seperated so I can't really advise you in what works when you both want to piece it back..post here and listen to the wiser ones
I am being patient I can just feel her pulling away again. And I was right. She told me today that she just couldnt try to work on our marriage. She told me why cant you just understand that it wasnt meant to be. Well it used to be, it can be again. She has a lot of issues that she needs to work on before she can work on our R. I told her that I know she needs to work on herself first, before she can work on our R. I told her I will be there for her anytime she needs to talk. I will stand by and support her to,while she works through these issues. I know its her decision. I respect that. I have even told her its her decision. But I cant give up on us again. I have to have my hope that things will work. If I dont I will move on again before its too late again. She said that she decided to work on our R because of the fear of what other people have told her will come true. Money and revolving men and such. Well fear is a good motivator, not to metion the fact that I am a good provider for her and our children. Not that that is a reason to stay.
I have changed so much in the last few months, and she has really noticed, but I am a diifferent man than the man she fell out of love with. I am the man that she originally fell into love with. I feel that if she cut off contact completely from om. then she would not feel so torn between M and om. Give it 6 months with no contact with om and working on R. then if there is still no love there then I would conceed to here. At least make a legitimate attempt to reconcile. please
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
Sorry you are having such a hard time. I've been following your threads a bit, and my main advice would be to *stop telling your wife what she needs to do*! Work on herself, give it time.... Etc. You are not her parent or counselor. Quit trying to get her to DB like you want her to! Sorry to sound harsh, but you have really got to stop that. Be open. Use I statements. If you must, you can share what has worked for you. That doesn't mean it will work for her. Give her space to figure out what will work for her.
Hang in there and appreciate and accept what she has done so far to help your M without further expectations or demands. Patience patience patience.
Hang in there. Don't lose track of your progress. Focus on yourself, rather than on what you want your W to do.
had a bad day yesterday. Told my W. Yesterday that I felt like we were back to square one with our R again. Today she sent me a text stating not to worry we are not at square one. I am being optimistic about that text. She said she is having a hard time and was having a bad day. I have to support her and not give her the answers those she needs to find on her own.
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
