Sometimes, it is very hard not to say anything about what you know. I find myself biting my tongue a lot. I too have found lots of mushy love letters and cards from OW, and it hurts. I have never confronted him with these, for many reasons, one of which is I do not want to be accused of snooping. A snooping wife is not someone he would want to be with, and I am trying to be the happy independant woman I was when he met me. My H also insists that they are "just friends". I don't believe that for a minute.
Keep DB'ing. However hard it is, and it is hard at first, it gets better. You start to feel better about yourself and accept that it's not your fault. Even if there were problems in the R, your wife CHOSE to have this A. You chose NOT to run to another person. Sometimes it's hard not to throw this in their face, but it will not help matters. My H is still carrying on with his OW and I have had to accept that I cannot break them up. It has to be his decision.
