WAW hasn't walked yet, but emotionally dead

[mako]

One problem I have with this approach is that when she dropped the bomb I went straight to the begging and pleading stage (wish I'd known of DB at that point!) and talked about how I was going to change. Later I tried kind of what you suggested, telling her that I need to change for me, not for her...she really didn't believe it, I insisted and she dropped it, but unsure if she really believes or not. So she's heard all this stuff before.

I think I still need to show her for a little while before I tell her again. But she's going to visit family for a week and all the while is looking for an apartment, so time for showing is running out (at least, under the same roof showing, I can still show her when we S but the opportunities are fewer).

You're right though; at some point I have to make her aware that I'm going to change no matter what she ends up doing, but even so I would really prefer to do it with her. Then if she sees me follow through for a while it might start sticking in her head that I can do it. And timing is everything, I'll have to figure out a time she's receptive.