So...went on a date last night with my wife. we went and had a few drinks. we talked for about 2hrs. It was pretty good. I think she still has her guard up a bit. The other line that worried me was she thinks we are still too different and that will be a challenge to her, as well as she's only thinking in a 3month timeframe to figure this out. I told her my goal was to make each day better than the last, and if we did that, then we wont be working towards a deadline.
I think she believes the changes she has noticed in me are to satisfy her and being someone she wants. I told her they werent changing who I am but how I am. I also told her I wasnt totally sure what all the changes she was noticing and she referred to me helping around the house and taking care of myself. I said I came to a realization that I felt bad she had been doing most of the work all these years and I felt she shouldnt have to be doing that, and that I would just do what i noticed needed to be done. Whether thats sharing the load or not, I'm not sure, but I wanted it to be clear that I wanted to be her partner in this and that I didnt think it was fair at all for her to do it all. I also told her that I was working out for me and not her and gave her my goals and reasons why I was working out. One of which is being in better shape to go skiing. She immediately replied that we should go skiing with the family after Xmas. Thought this was nice. All in all, I think she's noticing that I'm being a much more friendly, happier person. I guess in order to be loved, you have to love yourself first. I feel good about all this and dont feel I'm sacrificing myself for her one bit. I feel I'm doing my part and doing all the things I should have been doing anyway.
In reference to above posts about asking her to go on a trip. In our discussion on things we needed to do, she actually brought it up. Saying we should probably go on a trip by ourselves. And...she even mentioned the exact same place I was thinking about, and...roughly the same time. How weird. I told her I had been looking into it as well and had several different ideas. But, I said I wasnt sure if I should ask as I wasnt too confident she would be ready for this yet. As we continued to talk about it, she had said she may not be quite ready, and she would consider it. Not sure if I will bring it up again. May do so if I find a good deal or something like that.
We kissed in the car. I remember one of my earlier goals that was 'shot' down by my advisors was that I had hoped to kiss her by Thanksgiving. We'll, that was accomplished. The kissing was so good, I opened up to her and told her how rough she had been on me and one of the goals I had set was to get a kiss from her. I think she thought that was interesting. Probably not great DB tactics, but I'm glad I broke the ice on this. I guess if this was my first date, I would have tried the same thing if I felt comfortable. I love my wife, of course it's going to feel much more than the first date, but it was an interesting experience and I'm sure glad she kissed back. At home, after kids went to bed, she let me give her a back rub. This led to a little more, but it was nice to get some close time with her. We have had a bit of cuddlying and close time this week. She seems to be opening up to this a bit and coming out of her 'heisman' state where everything I did was pushed off.
Anyway, thats my update. I may not be doing DB by the book. But I think some of my things are actually 180's...opening up, telling her how I feel without ILY, complementing her (she told me she appreciates this), and persuing in the method of making a schedule.
One thing I mentioned to her was this time was really rough on me, but its made me a stronger person. It's made me realize that I care for her more than I realized. It made me realize I had to make changes in myself and make myself happy, and figure out what I want. And, that I would not let it go by again when I didnt show appreciation for her, let her know how I feel for her, and, would put every effort to put us first. I guess I'm admitting my mistakes. But I also told her what I wanted from her.
This is all pretty weird I guess. It seems my biggest threats are the 90day window and her thinking we are too different for the long haul. I'll do my best.
