Cat, I found you! I didn't put two and two together that this was your new thread. I was just looking for your screen name.
Anyway, I know exactly what you're going through. During my H's many back & forths last year, we were in MC. I remember one time, I looked at my H and said, "you're the love of my life" and he said, "but maybe that's not enough". There was much more where that came from.
Basically, I think they get into this frame of mind where they don't "feel" what they're supposed to feel for us. Those feelings are infatuation and they happen at hte beginning of a R. So, if I read correctly, your H has recently resumed contact with OW, correct? So, that is messing up his head. Perhaps those infatuation feelings for OW came up and he is wishing he was feeling those feelings for you. At least, that is what continued to happen in my H's case.
Your H sounds VERY confused and angry. And at this point, it is up to him to figure it out. Yes, he has difficult questions to answer and decisions to make. Just sit back and let him make them. If he/you decide to separate, that could be a good thing.
Your H needs to find that place on his own where he realizes the difference between sharing a life with someone -- a partner -- and having a fantasy romance with someone. Option b doesn't last. He may not realize that now, but I have faith that one day he will. I'm glad the MC said those things to him about how loving someone is a decision. Your H hears it, but I don't know if he's ready to internalize it.
You're a very strong woman. And I know whta you mean about your 4-year old. My kids basically saved me through this whole mess.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
