When you say no to champagne....

[sage]

What a day. I've started this post a few times but keep blowing it off...not sure why.

No early morning phone call from H. My early email went unanswered until about 11am. The phone contact we had was "semi-angy-H" and "as-if-sage". I really feel like we've taken a bunch of steps backwards over the last few weeks...sometimes things are GOOD and sometimes they just seem so crappy. I guess I didn't know how good I had it when it WAS going well and I was still mired in self-doubts and doubts about ow. Fact is, I'm right back there. H's anger and distance and lack of physical affection towards me is kind of freaking me out a bit. Blah.

So...I'm screwing my DB cap back on. Pulled out the KLA tapes, started working on the workbook. We pulled this out of the muck once, can do it again.

I have to admit that I am STUCK in some old anger -- that ow is somehow getting off here scott free. I want to see her (haven't since pre-bomb) and just look her in the eye. I want to should it from the rooftops. I want to make her pay. None of this is fruitful, I know, and none will come to fruition. I just find myself back in anger mode -- maybe because things feel hard again.

What are my goals?

1. H will hug me in bed in the AM
2. H will initiate a date with me

We're off to dinner tonight -- got my best face on.

Sage