A thought for you.. probably my final thought for the day...

Having "personal issues to deal with" is NOT the same as "having a crisis", midlife or otherwise.

To me at least, a "Crisis", is "AAAAAA! I dont know what to doo!!"
Whereas having "issues to deal with", is "I know what's wrong... I know roughly where I'd like to be...it's tough, but I'm working on it".

Sounds like he's really in only "issues" mode, and doing quite well at it. (congrats to him!)

Maybe this is kind of a personal misunderstanding with him.
(Maybe you actually contributed to it....)
Maybe he thinks that he cant "come back", until he is "all better".

Maybe you have an opportunity to let him know that, even if you have said that to him in the past... you dont believe that any more.
That you like who he is RIGHT NOW.... enough to stick with him.

('course, this means that YOU have to do a little growing up ;\) and get out of your "i'm not ready to commit" mode first!)


He will never be perfect.
but, if what you've written about his self-development so far is true.... I think that he is capable of continuing to have a good relationship with you in the way that you have been having these last few months... and continually getting better as time goes on.


Yes, he has very difficult "issues" to deal with. But... IF he knows what he wants (To be with his child, and also to keep "seeing" you)...and if the issues that he is dealing with, wont forseeably change him wanting those things... It's ok for him to make some kind of middle level commitment to you both... even though he isnt "all better" yet.

I think you should let him know that, with the amount of issues he is dealing with... he may never be completely "all better"... and that's ok with you. You like him enough as he is right now, to know you want to be with him again.
Just so long as he stops dating other people. Or even "play dating".

(o course...if i'm wrong, and you ARENT ready for that commitment from yourself... then i think you should quit stressing him out for something you arent ready for anyway :P
But I think you are ready)




PS: I'm glad he takes time to listen to you. i think that's a really positive thing for you both.

My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle