Ok, so maybe your boundary is, "no more nookie for someone who isnt exclusively dating me"?
Yup. Thought I said that.
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He feels he is still too cloudy to make any decisions on any sort of R. He said he is still open to us becoming involved again, but he's still not done with his crisis.
Err, what? It's been a year. You have a great relationship. He's just scared of (re)commitment, i think.
Uh...there's a lot of the more personal stuff I have left out. His stability is a new thing. He never could manage to stay in a job or career for more than a few months. He's never managed to actually do more than a few weeks of school before. He's never managed to live on his own without falling apart financially. These are huge, and have really only fallen into line the last few months. He is learning how to set appropriate boundaries with his family. (Should be fun...MIL is moving here next week!)
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And what the heck this supposed "crisis" of his is about?
Childhood abuse, and completely reshaping how he sees the world. He's been facing his demons, and is a much better person for it. And, honestly, he's been taking me along for the trip in his head. Kind of weird.
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MLC, is primarily when someone doesnt know who they are or what they want any more. in contrast to MLC, where the spouse traditionally is no longer sure whether children/spouse makes them happy
Yup, sounds like a lot of what he said a year ago.
He has also admitted that, a lot of it was, he just needed to grow up.
Mostly, this has been my spin on it lately...that it seems similar...
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How about you find out more about what it means to HIM, for the two of you to "get involved again" ?
Yup, on the list. I asked him this morning, but he didn't have time. I probably shouldn't have asked him when he was literally walking out the door...
I feel pretty good. Probably because he took the time to listen to me.
Of course, then, the follow up question is...how much time do I give it? I'm okay...for now. Am I willing to take it along his time line or not?
Oh. Interesting side note. xh has picked up a new job. New job, in the past, usually meant he meets new people to hang out with...and could be positively spun toward us getting closer. Just looking at the pattern this took, the last time we were separated. The cycle seems to be the same, only more drawn out and more productive for both of us.
Going to live my own life now...and get my butt to the gym.
I think I may suggest to him later...that he's only as broken as he sees himself. That worked for me a few years back.
