our un-relationship

[Dom R]

ugh.
I think you should have just given him the letter up front.



here's the thing.
I hear that some men never fully "feel ready" for commitment.
Whether that be full-on marriage, or "committing" to dating exclusively.

Sometimes, you just have to say, "I understand you feel unsure about things.
I need this for me."

or words to that effect. talk to your "girlfriends"(?) aobut how to convince a man to commit, maybe?


He pointed out (correctly) that he had been saying we both needed to be more careful with our boundaries lately.

Ok, so maybe your boundary is, "no more nookie for someone who isnt exclusively dating me"?


He feels he is still too cloudy to make any decisions on any sort of R. He said he is still open to us becoming involved again, but he's still not done with his crisis.

Err, what?
It's been a year.
You have a great relationship.
He's just scared of (re)commitment, i think.


Ok, lets take a step back. to possibly take a step forward.

How about you find out more about what it means to HIM, for the two of you to "get involved again" ?

And what the heck this supposed "crisis" of his is about?
it almost sounds like, "well, i know there's this thing called a 'mid life crisis', where men run around and basically go hog-wild and have fun. Fun sounds good. So I'm going to say i'm still in 'mid life crisis'"

ie: a manufactured MLC, rather than any real "crisis" inside him.

MLC, is primarily when someone doesnt know who they are or what they want any more.

he sounds pretty durn stable to me. He knows what he wants. he knows what makes him happy.
Being with you, and your child, makes him happy. he wants to keep hold of that.
[in contrast to MLC, where the spouse traditionally is no longer sure whether children/spouse makes them happy]

He's just being a toddler, and saying "i want everything, with no limits on what I can have!" rather than being an adult, recognizing, "if I want this over here, then that means I need to give up that over there. I am mature enough to pick the 'best choice', and so not regret giving up 'that'"