As far as H being too far gone, no one knows. We cannot even guess what God's desires are for you. I will say He wanted your M to be joyous but He can't force your H to come back home. He can make it uncomfortable and have little pleasure for your H but He won't force your H to go back home. I cannot even guess God's timetable and I personally don't want to force God to send my W back home before she is ready. My W is too messed up to come back home right now.
You are so right about this. I wouldnt want my H back in the state he is in right now either, but I just pray God will work on him.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
As far as H being too far gone, no one knows. We cannot even guess what God's desires are for you. I will say He wanted your M to be joyous but He can't force your H to come back home. He can make it uncomfortable and have little pleasure for your H but He won't force your H to go back home. I cannot even guess God's timetable and I personally don't want to force God to send my W back home before she is ready. My W is too messed up to come back home right now.
You are so right about this. I wouldnt want my H back in the state he is in right now either, but I just pray God will work on him.
Heck, my H is thinking about things, working things out in his mind, and acting as if he's moving back toward the marriage, but even I don't want him back right now either. He's getting closer, but he's still not ready. He knows it, I know it and neither of us wants to move until he is.
In the meantime I just keep praying for God to keep working on him. I know he is. I see if everyday.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
I don't want to detach from the anger, resentment and disgust. I do want to know where they come from and then I know I will be able to eventually let them go.
I am not sure that I can detach properly. I feel that I will just wake up and not love my H anymore.
As for my H coming back...I would not take back the man he is now. I don't like that person and have no desire to spend time with that person. I am better off where I am right now---with NO H. I have no idea what God's timetable is or if my H will ever come back...I just don't see it happening...but I am human and thus prone to errors!
I don't believe that I am awesome...I just believe that I am like a drowning person struggling to stay afloat...paddling so hard b/c I don't want to give in or give up on life. ALthough, I will tell you that I feel my strength waning and I so desperately want to move on with my life.
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
Vali, I can understand exactly how you feel about "struggling to stay afloat". I have felt like that in the past so many times. And I am tired of it. It is too exhausting and emotionally draining. I tried to deal with it by denying whatever was bothering me. If it was a money issue, I thought making more money would resolve it. And it did until a huge bill would show up. I ended up dealing with the money concerns by letting it go. I have had times when I had money and times that were very lean. I had creditors calling me and I would panic. It wasn't until this happened with my W that I finally let the financial issues go. Somehow, I have been able to deal with all of the bills but I never let myself worry about them. It wasn't because I was busy worrying about my M. I just gave all of it up to Him. I am not saying I don't have the occasional lapse and worry irrationally. What happens is that as soon as I let myself get that way about money, children, W, anything, I chuckle and say God, please remember I am a work in progress.
Vali, I don't know you in person but I can tell that you know where strength comes from. Rely on Him completely. Give your anger, frustration, hurt over to Him. Allow the love that only He can give, save you from drowning. It is amazing how much love you can have for someone that has hurt you so much. You put it into perspective about how He gave His Son for us so we could live eternally.
You are awesome, btw.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Reading all these posts, one things stands out. To much detachemtn talk is wrapped up disccusing the spouse. When you aren't discussing the spouse, the effect, how to get there, etc., etc, then you are detached.
Reading all these posts, one things stands out. To much detachemtn talk is wrapped up disccusing the spouse. When you aren't discussing the spouse, the effect, how to get there, etc., etc, then you are detached.
IMP
Be more specific here IMP. I'd like to know what you're thinking.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
As you said you are a work in progress. I dig that.
BFM,
All you have to do is see how many time a reference was made to H or W.
Obviously, I am giving the view from the other side. Sort of like the judge who said he couldn't define pornography but he would know it when he sees it. I also, know how it is difficult to do. And you have to be reminded to detach.
There is no question that detachment is a function of time and outcomes. It was for me just like for everyone else I have ever seen around here. Looking back, the focus on someone else, i.e. the former Mrs Imp and what was up with her, kept the focus off of me.
You will note from my posts that I don't give much thought to the MLCer or WAS. The best way to live your life is to keep it about you and not about the gyrations of another.
I don't know if I am answering your questions. But I also know that the more I concentrated on things not related to marriage or lack thereof, the better life became.
I guess what I am doing is trying to relate to you the goal.
