h called me to ask if I'd told d4 yet. I told him no, and he got really mad, "you're just waiting for me to do it aren't you?" I told him no. I suggested we tell her together, and he said, "Oh, that would make it easier on you, wouldn't it."
OK, HE has to do it, not you. When my H left I agonized about telling our d7 that dad would be away (after the first few weeks we figured we just couldn't get away with "dad went to stay at a friend's) I asked my C, and she said "he has to do it, he's the one who left, your R with your child is fine, you are with him, your H has a separate R with your child and it is his responsibility to tell him, he has to face with what he has done."
At the beginning I was afraid of how H would say it and freeted, I could tell he was not looking forward to it either because he asked in bewilderment "you want me to do it? ok fine, I'll do it" in a tone of "I might somethin wrong..." but I let him do it, he was the one who left he'd have to tell his son why. Of course he didn't tell him the whole truth but he did it.
Your d4 doesn't have to know much, just that dad will be away for a while, they adjust pretty good amazingly.
I do think your H is a control freak and that if your psy doesn't think you need meds then you prob dont' need meds, maybe some therapy to deal with this mess.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
