What went well: 1. H sent me an ecard thanking me for my support. How wonderful is that? I'm happy and grateful that he feels my support for him.
2. H's back is really bothering him and he was open to me being helpful. He wasn't at all distant in his pain. It stinks that he's not feeling well but I love the fact that he didn't withdraw from me.
3. Had a few laughs while we were watching TV last night. Just nice to be together.
I'll give you an advance preview on #1 for tomorrow -- H called an hour ago and opened the conversation with his rendition of "Yes, sir, that's my baby".
What didn't go well: Nothing really. I felt myself pushing a bit to feel close to him last night. I didn't sense that it was necessarily bugging him but I felt a bit needy inside. That's ok! Just wanted to note it.
************* There's been some talk over the last few days about why some of us are struggling over here on Piecing. I realized this AM what I think is sometimes hard for me...
When I first started DB'ing I was completely willing to ignore MY needs (for comfort, for reassurance, for "slack", whatever) for the most part. Well, when I was able to stay focused I was...so when it was pretty much 100% "what does H. need? What does M. need?" it sometimes felt easier. NOW, my needs are bubbling up a bit and it makes it more confusing sometimes for me to decide "am I being reasonable here? How do I balance what I need with H?" For example, on thursday when I apologized to H. and told him a bit about why I was upset by the house talk, he seemed exasperated. I found myself bumping up against: "Wait a minute, isn't it completely reasonable for me to NEED something from him and expect to get it?" Hence my "I'm sick of this" post on Friday. What I did realize, though, was that yah, it is reasonable, but I didn't get what I needed anyway so for now, I just need to look at this as another opportunity for DB growth. TBH, the whole exchange DID point out some stuff for me that I'm still stuck on. So much to do ...
anyway, that's what it's about for me. I'm feeling strong and PMA is high. H. is being great!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
