From how I read it he thinks you know these things because you have been snooping. Maybe this was all a test to see if you had changed your ways. Perhaps you should forward the emails to him that OW sent to you so that he can see what started all this off. At least that way he will get to see what a conniving b!tch this OW is and he may understand some of what you are going through. If you don't tell him why he will just think you don't trust him and were checking up on him. I really cannot see that you can lose out by doing this but you may gain from it.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I agree about going dark. sounds like a good plan. it is so hard, isn't it? I know even though my h has given me no reason to trust him, I still do in certain areas. and almost each and every time, I am burned. remember that old story about the snake who convinced the woman to carry him across the river? he was so sweet and wonderful, she knew he wasn't like other snakes. so she did, she carried him across. when they got to the other side, he bit her. she asked why, he said, hey, you knew I was a snake.
for some reason that story has stuck out in my head a lot over the last few months. and yet, there is still part of me that is trying to figure out how to get the snake (or my h) across the river when he asks.
my therapist is awesome. she told me something early on that also sticks out for me...h does a lot of carrot dangling, but he isn't even dangling real carrots, just sh!t wrapped in orange.
pretty much sums it up.
take care of yourself, luv. it sucks not to trust someone you love...its so hard to guard against them, instead of happily open up to them. but sometimes, well, there really is no other choice.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
It is possible that your H is just weak, and his attempts to sever the relationship with the OW only made her more determined to pull his strings. It's still much too early in his "recovery" even if he is/was sincere about cutting off the OW. And like drug addicts relapses are all too common. Going "cold turkey" requires a strength of character that our spouses just don't have, unfortunately, or they wouldn't have strayed so far in the first place. These things take time and it wears on us, the LBS's.
His hostile reaction to you knowing about this relapse is also very characteristic of an addict.
I am by no means suggesting you should cut H some slack. On the contrary, I am telling you this in hopes it might ease the pain of his betrayal somewhat, for your sake. I believe in tough love, and that is what these poor souls need more than anything.
Yes, it's so darn hard. Especially when you start to realize that what you hope for, the survival of the M, becomes a long shot, or a tenuous house of cards. It becomes discouraging to face this challenge when our spouse is not only NOT helping, but often working against us.
DB'ing, GAL, Going Dark are all mechanisms not so much to win the WAS back but to help us survive this hurricane.
hi everyone, I just got back from my C session. It was helpful. I guess I don't care about the forwarding because it doesn't matter to me about proving anything. What matters to me is that HE wrote to her. HE contacted HER. That's all that matters to me. I feel that he only came back for the money. I have since transferred it back to my account, today. He has sent the following texts to me this morning.
He says "because she cared, you red it, I responded in case I wanted to and leftit there to see if you' d dig. It's also why I gave you a master screenname.
I actually want to be able to make my own decisions and be happy for once, that's why i tried and did all the things to break contact
I'm not back with her...only emailnow to see what's going on
She doesn't have my number and DOES understand what I did for a reason
Has it occured to you that I need to decide and change myself?
I even invited you to vegas next week
Why couldn't you ignore an email and just trust and show love? why keep digging and proving you can't change?
I don't have her...I needed a friend and it was a mistake. But you just can't let me make my own decisions. Your devious mind always controls you.
doesn't matter huh? focus on me, I'm always the untrustworthy screw up
Atleast I admitted what I did and made changes...you CANT CHANGE what you do
Those things with her were very recent because we were done! You never changed a thing
(Please note, I have not responded to any of his texts. He obviously doens't see as how he has betrayed my trust at all.)
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
also, in his email to her he says how very much he misses her, tells her not to IM him so that I won't see it and tells her to email him at his yahoo email address so that he can be sure I won't see it.
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
Hi Tal, No, I'm not responding at all. period. He's totally blind. I told him yesterday that if he was "trying" to work things out with me he would never have contacted her again. Period. Gee, how magnanimous of him to invite me to vegas. Why would she want a man who would leave his wife and kids for her??? Wait until he finds out I moved the money over. He's going to be ticked. I don't want to talk to him at all. he told me that when I needed to make things right years ago, that he let me do it on my own. I responded with "yes, but you are not making any effort to make things right. You are continuing the same behavior and until you do make things right, I don't want you and you are not welcome here".
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
